On Toxic.

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Alexis, Hamsata and Jeanine discuss relationships. They discuss their ideal partners, what they want from a relationship and their toxic traits.

Alexis Grant 0:00
Hey guys, I'm Alexis or Lexi.

Hamsata Mazou 0:02
I'm Hamsta.

Jeanine Ikekhua 0:03
I'm Jeanine and you're tuned into WKNC 88.1 FM HD-1 radio. Thanks for listening

Alexis Grant 0:20
back to the back to the back of back back. Welcome back to black pot

Alexis Grant 0:36
Okay, those cute Okay, on today's podcast, actually, first off before I even tell you what we talked about go listen to our last one. Yes. Because it's gonna connect to this one. It's a little connected. Today we're gonna be talking about relationships and our toxic traits. I know you're so interested in excited to hear about this. Yeah. I hear this. Okay, what is your ideal perfect relationship look like?

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:17
I was somebody who

Alexis Grant 1:22
just stopped. Yeah.

Hamsata Mazou 1:24
Okay. The word perfect is what? Yeah, cuz I don't feel like anything could absolutely be

Alexis Grant 1:31
okay. Think about it, in the sense of like, your perfect relationship isn't gonna be perfect, either.

Hamsata Mazou 1:36
Like, your relationship and your ideal. Yeah, your ideal

Alexis Grant 1:39
relationship. Okay.

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:41
I think this is so little. But like, I need somebody who understands like little stuff like I'm very like, I do not. One thing I'm bad at is I don't know how to vocalize sometimes what I want. And I kind of expect you to know, I'll say it once. And if you don't get it that one time, we can have an argument.

Alexis Grant 1:59
Oh, like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 2:00
I need you to, like, I feel like you you have to. There's certain things I like you just got to pick up on you just got to know. Yeah, if I asked you what I want to eat. Don't tell me I don't know, pick for me. Let's move on. Because if you told me you don't know, we're gonna have a problem. It's like little things like that. But like the big things, I vocalize that. Okay, it takes time, but I do it.

Alexis Grant 2:23
Okay. You know, I can go next you struggling.

Hamsata Mazou 2:28
Um, the first document of mine was somebody on my frequency. Somebody who's just like, on the same wavelength as me. Who has the same, like, ambitions and goals.

Jeanine Ikekhua 2:39
We want to deep limit my answer back then.

Alexis Grant 2:42
Because I was about to say something not deep at all, but it's very important to me too. So,

Hamsata Mazou 2:46
I mean, yeah, I feel like that's something that's like, in my deal relationship because I feel like I'm gonna go far.

Alexis Grant 2:53
Okay. And you and, and is go far and,

Jeanine Ikekhua 2:57
and is mismanaged.

Alexis Grant 3:02
For me, there's some things that are like Loki, non negotiables for me that are small, but in my head, it goes back to that. I need my relationship to fit an aesthetic. Like be within a certain aesthetic because that's like, the aesthetic that I just love. Yeah, but I will say, um, they have to like r&b. That's non negotiable for me because of how much I listen to r&b And how, like, when I'm at peace when I'm at home, when I'm by myself, that's what I'm listening to. Like, that's, that's just the level I'm at. Like, that's the level I fall back on. Like, that's my consistent if we can't do that together, like it's gonna be very hard to just be in the same house all the time or anything like that makes sense. So that's like really big for me. I had another one I remember now. Wow, the Oh, I remember my biggest thing when it comes to relationship. I need you to be my peace. Like, Oh, yes. Everything else like I enjoy being happy. Excited. This other third, I don't actually need to be those things when I'm with you. I need to feel at peace. Like I just need to be peaceful. Like I agree not to put too much pressure on the person. No, you should be comfy. Yeah. Not even comfy. Like I like it's like if I'm stressed. And I'm like, I'm wrapped up in your arms. I want to feel peace. Like I want to just bliss.

Jeanine Ikekhua 4:22
My toxicity come out for Lightsey sake. Okay. I am very big on like, Okay, I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna say to you. I am going to have a husband, that's for sure. Yeah. But I want her to believe that like, men are not a necessity. Yeah, they are an addition. Yeah, I choose to have you Yeah, the same way I choose to have you I could choose not to have you. Trash. Oh, okay. Very simple. It's simple as that. So I have a hard time like, like the whole idea of like being in a man's arms and being at peace. I don't know why but my mind is so can stick because

Alexis Grant 5:00
it seems like codependency Yeah, like Yeah. be dependent on

Jeanine Ikekhua 5:05
independent woman. I can live without you. Yeah, don't forget No.

Hamsata Mazou 5:10
I think it's like the addition of like I can be at peace through other sources yeah like my um yeah.

Alexis Grant 5:17
Like that's my source. That's one of the sources I chose to be at peace.

Hamsata Mazou 5:20
I wouldn't say it's main though,

Alexis Grant 5:22
you know, like I don't need him to feel peaceful. It's just I'm like, what that's where he needs to be to be in my life. Really? Why do you think we codependent

Jeanine Ikekhua 5:33
not that you're gonna hurt I think I have like, like, I was talking to my friend and I feel like I have like I think it's like power. I think I view relationships and like power dynamics. I don't know where I

Alexis Grant 5:46
got from me too bad. I need to not have the power means really? I need

Alexis Grant 5:55
you I'm going to move closer. Oh, gosh, okay, everyone's moving. Okay. So here's the thing. When it comes to men, yes. If I feel more dominant than you, I'm gonna accidentally either walk over you or I'm just, I don't think I can reach the point of loving you if I feel more dominant than you. Wow. It's like a romantic relationship, because I'm gonna just start seeing you as like, I want to say a play thing that seems intense. But like a pet, like, it's just, I need somebody who's gonna put me in my place. I need somebody whose dominance is Overmind I need you to be the masculine energy. That's the thing. If I'm more dominant than you, I'm gonna feel like the guy. I'm gonna feel like the man, which is fun, but not for our relationship. Like, I'm just talking to somebody like, I don't care. But if I'm in a relationship, like, I don't want to be the masculine man, there was this Tiktok explained it perfectly. It was like,

Hamsata Mazou 6:50
if you want a man to bring out your feminine side, yes,

Alexis Grant 6:53
I say yes. Because the thing is, if you're no more masculine than me, I'm gonna be big dawg. So I need you to be more masculine than me so that I am in a space where I can be feminine. Okay,

Jeanine Ikekhua 7:04
I think mine is the opposite. Like, I I'm attracted to manly men. Some people aren't. That's okay. Yeah, not used to just

Hamsata Mazou 7:15
I felt like our mics. Were like speeding. Alright.

Jeanine Ikekhua 7:20
Now we're back. I like I'm attracted to manly men. But I do not like when somebody has power over me. There's only one place that I'm willing to let somebody be dominant over me. Other than that.

Jeanine Ikekhua 7:39
I think it's because like, my mom is such an independent boss woman. Like she's like, top tier I do myself and I get it done. And that's on period. Yeah. Like, I'm just not going to live a life where a man has control over me like you must.

Alexis Grant 7:52
Okay. Maybe control is not the word I will use. But I just need somebody put me in my place. Because here's the thing, I will talk crazy. I'll talk up the side of my neck. I'll say stuff. I just eat. And it's not even with the big things. It's like small things. Like if I'm like, a Go get me this. Like, I don't know. Like, that's what I'm saying. Like, that's what I'll do. Like if I know I got the power. Like, I'll start. I'll just start being like Loki mean, maybe a little. Use it to an extent. Yeah, but it won't even be on purpose. Like, it's just because that's our dynamic. Yeah, you just like, I don't want that in a husband. So if I'm like, go get this, I need you to be like you're talking to, like, I need somebody put me in my place.

Hamsata Mazou 8:29
But I feel like it's more in that sense as well. Right? It's a little,

Alexis Grant 8:32
but it's like I actually do need to replace or I'm gonna walk over them.

Jeanine Ikekhua 8:36
And like, I wouldn't be with a black man. I don't marry black man. Yeah, that's just it. And I feel like men in general. Not all men, but I feel like men have like this like, ego thing. Like, they want to be like the dominant one. Like I got into a conversation with my friend the other day. And he literally was just like, like, like, I want to feel like a man in a relationship. But what does that mean? Like to this day? I'm like, what does that mean? It's like I would feel like a man I want to feel like a masculine man like what does that mean? He

Alexis Grant 9:02
wants to be the masculine energy. See, because I does that mean okay, I don't know if you just never been in that situation. But I've known a lot situations where I have the masculine energy and a dynamic explained to me friends is hard to

Jeanine Ikekhua 9:16
like, I don't know, I'm like, you should know.

Alexis Grant 9:19
It is really hard to explain. I don't want to say like, I felt like a provider because it's not like I was providing to them

Hamsata Mazou 9:25
on like, Google says masculine energy is a side of you being that is responsible for taking action. So I flicked, okay, it's the one just kind of like kind of guiding 20 but not guiding but like, but

Alexis Grant 9:39
you have to think Oh, everybody has masculine feminine energy. Yeah, so it's not like it's not like I if I have feminine energy, I have no masculine energy. I still do but I want somebody because in a lot of settings, I have more masculine energy. And I want my man to put me in a situation where I'm more feminine with him.

Jeanine Ikekhua 9:56
I think it's like my brain like I'm hearing you guys but like It's just I'm hearing masculine I'm thinking dominant and yeah,

Alexis Grant 10:05
it's not it doesn't have

Hamsata Mazou 10:06
to be dominant. It has to be continuous either. It's not your it's not like the whole time and then like, you're always like submissive, I feel like, it's like at times he needs to be able to get overpower me. So that I guess like to balance her out is what she's my masculine energy would just keep it. Yeah. For me, I need that balance of like us being both masculine and Yeah, and like you're sharing because sometimes I feel like, vulnerability sometimes ties back to being like, feminine. I don't think that's necessarily true. But I feel like I need my partner to be vulnerable with me in that sense. Like, we could both be vulnerable together, we could both be feminine, I guess, in that stance, you know, but other times like also like that dominance thing is why consider as well, and I feel like sometimes I want to be more dominant. I'm not gonna lie, like sometimes I think like, I mean that.

Jeanine Ikekhua 10:52
I see what you're saying. I feel like I want to get rid of the word for me personally. Just get rid of the word masculine, feminine. Yeah, I just don't like those two words. Like that. connotation. Yeah, like the stereotypical like a feminine woman and then a man like that. Like I want.

Alexis Grant 11:07
I feel like it's more of an energy thing. I don't think of it as a man and a female. Yeah, I think. Yeah, like, I remember I did

Hamsata Mazou 11:15
gender that should be Yeah. Energy. Yeah. And it's okay

Alexis Grant 11:19
to have masculine energy. Like, even though those things are associated with like, different things. It's okay, cuz I can't remember if it's like Hawaiian, like Pacific Islander, or Native American, or maybe it's both. But they have this thing where it's like, everybody has masculine and feminine energy. And like, I don't know. Yeah, third gender. Yeah, stuff like that. So that's how I'm more thinking of it as like, it's like an energy thing, but not necessarily. I'm being more manly, or I'm being more like a woman. It's just like a energies. Two different energies. Yeah.

Jeanine Ikekhua 11:54
I think that's why I have a toxicity problem in relationships are like why could I couldn't develop one because I think my mind like, I'm still in the mindset of like, sexist connotation.

Alexis Grant 12:09
And like, misogyny is yeah, like, I

Jeanine Ikekhua 12:11
don't think because I'm because yeah, I'm not like that either. I'm

Alexis Grant 12:13
an independent woman. Yeah, I don't like what you said. I don't need you on that. Yes. Like, I don't need you. I'm choosing to have

Hamsata Mazou 12:20
exactly so I feel like relationships. You guys should be at 100. Together, be at 200. Like you guys are. Okay. I like you know,

Alexis Grant 12:26
you're both at 100. Yeah, this is not a 5050. This is a 100 and a 100. or something because, yeah, that's crazy dependents codependency I want to be like, what's that?

Hamsata Mazou 12:37
75 Or like that 25 He added, you're at 75. And once that leaves, you're gonna feel incomplete. But if you're both out 100 come together and you just make something more powerful. Just like you've made it unity. That's just like, its own thing. And you leave. You're still yourselves. You know, give

Alexis Grant 12:51
me a handshake. Yeah, that was amazing. We talked. Now she split on that. Okay, she went crazy,

Jeanine Ikekhua 12:59
you know, 50 100 100

Hamsata Mazou 13:02
somewhere to sound like my own idea. Okay,

Alexis Grant 13:06
you ate you ate. Thank you. Um, okay. The other thing I was gonna say how much compromise you guys feel is needed in a relationship, because I'm a type of person right now. And I, there's some complications when it comes to this either with me trying to explain it. But like, I don't, I don't want to say you shouldn't compromise but like location and compromise.

Hamsata Mazou 13:26
I feel like, there's things that shouldn't be compromised upon. And that's based on each person. But also, I feel like there's things that can be compromised, but they just can't be. I think there's levels to things you know, and the like, there's things are like, these are non like negotiable, not Yeah, non negotiables. And then like, maybe the things that you're like I willing for you to work on, or like I see these things building in you, you're not at that point, but like it's there. And then like the compromisable things are just like little things like let's say somebody just really prefers you to like, I don't know, rub the feet every night type thing,

Jeanine Ikekhua 14:02
by what you mean by

Hamsata Mazou 14:07
maybe make them breakfast, like not even a big breakfast, but just like leaving them a little bagel, you know, it was just like, those are things that like, let's say you don't like waking up early, but like, you know, that really like adds to your partner's day type thing. Yeah, that's something like you can compromise a little bit because you know, that like that really just makes her you know what I mean? Like, too big of like a Oh, I'm like, bending my entire, like, core four.

Alexis Grant 14:31
Yeah, I'm afraid of like compromising, because I don't want to fall into a hole and compromise too much. Because it's like, where's the line drawn?

Hamsata Mazou 14:38
Yeah, and I'm just fooling

Jeanine Ikekhua 14:39
I felt like you gotta like, you, you as an individual have to lay your boundaries. And I think there's also like certain things that you need to tell your partner. Like for me one thing I will vocalize is like I have a tendency like to try to be like the dominant one consistently because I feel like that makes up like the fight that like the misogyny and stuff like that, see, if

Alexis Grant 15:01
you don't got to, you can embrace the non dominant sometimes you need

Jeanine Ikekhua 15:07
to come back. We'll come back to that. But I find you've got to let your partner like know, like, what your tendencies are, and it's your responsibility and then also like some of theirs to also help you and

Hamsata Mazou 15:20
that's like, like, once you start acting on them like, Hey, you're kinda like doing what she makes you aware of? Yeah, I mean, as long as it's like a mutual agreement, it works. I don't feel like you pointing out somebody, it could feel like an attack at times, like, Hey, you're like, it has to be like a mutual understanding and a talk, or these actions are being, like, placed,

Alexis Grant 15:39
but what Janine said about, like, how you said, sometimes you'll say stuff once. And then that's it. I feel like that's how I am with like, certain things with like, compromising. Like, if I say, because I'm somebody before I get into the relationship. Like, I'm gonna have a talk, like, we're gonna have a talk to go through as you should everybody. Yeah, cuz some people, they don't realize like, yeah, you might like this person and stuff. But you need to have a serious talk about, like, some serious things. Like you can't assume like, what's considered cheating, like, what's my win? Like, how do you want me to approach you? If we have problems with language? Yeah, like, you need to talk about those things before getting a relationship so that you can avoid like, a bunch of problems. Like, that's really big, but we're not like the same. The one thing if I tell you before we get in relationship, like I don't like certain things, like, not little things, but like, okay, like my first relationship, I was like, Okay, I don't like, like, in the person knew this. I don't like super cutesy stuff. I'm not that super cute T kind of person. They're like, Yeah, I understand. I know that like, and I knew they were. And that was a thing. And that's something I knew I wasn't gonna compromise on, because I just don't like it. Like, it's gonna make me not like it. And they said that they were fine with that. But then they started doing the QC things, and it started draining my energy. And like, I just didn't even have the energy to have the conversation with God. Because it's like, I feel like he should have known because, first of all, we've been friends for so long, like you've known this whole time. I don't like that. And before we got in relationship, we had this conversation like, we have to make sure that is this okay, that I don't like this. Like,

Hamsata Mazou 17:05
yeah, I think it's sometimes it's hard for people to break like that type of love language communication, because like you said, it's his language. So usually people try to show affection by their own love language and not taking into consideration the other person's love language. And so that's something

Alexis Grant 17:21
I'm not willing to compromise on. I'm just gonna have to find somebody who else who likes physical touch. Like it's as simple as Oh,

Jeanine Ikekhua 17:26
I compromised on somebody

Hamsata Mazou 17:27
by like, who can like be a different love language, but still be able to cater to yours? I think it's very possible, it would

Alexis Grant 17:34
have to be like, even if it's not my top, it's gonna have to be like, it can't be the bottom. Like, if somebody needs words of affirmation for me. We're not going to work out. It's as simple as that.

Jeanine Ikekhua 17:42
I agree. Me too. If you need someone you love. I love you. I'm like, it's just

Alexis Grant 17:45
not gonna happen. And then you're not gonna feel appreciated at least.

Hamsata Mazou 17:48
Not literally like the words I love. You was just like little Yes. Of like, just worst. Yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 17:54
even that. Yeah,

Alexis Grant 17:55
I'm not that I'm not that. No cat, bro. I'm the type of person I won't even say I miss you.

Jeanine Ikekhua 18:01

Hamsata Mazou 18:02
have. It depends. I like words have so much power. Do so for me. I like using more like specific words. For the most part. I will say sometimes I'm more loose with my words. Like, well, I guess for me, like when my toxic traits is like, I won't apologize if I don't feel sorry.

Jeanine Ikekhua 18:22
I noticed. Yeah. I've noticed. It's not a bad thing. But I've noticed

Hamsata Mazou 18:27
like, you could tell me I did something wrong. But like if I truly don't feel that, okay, yeah, and I keep pushing, right? Because if I don't feel sorry, like I'm not gonna lie about I don't like lying either. I will say me sometimes like Little Miss Little White Lies, sometimes not intentional. I will say for sure. It looks nice. Things just don't match up. But I just don't like saying things. I don't mean. And so like saying sorry about something I don't feel sorry for. It takes a lot out of me. I'm like, No, it's a no brainer. It really bothers me. I'm like, Why did I say that? You know, like, why?

Jeanine Ikekhua 19:02
Yeah, no, I agree. I'm not a words of affirmation person. I think like words hold such a significant weight that I don't use them. I don't want to say something and then like backtrack, or like I don't want to like, invest too much. I'm just like, let's hold like, hold off on that. But I have I've been compromising on physical touch. I'm not a physical person. I like to touch people but I do not like being touched. But I have somebody who likes to be in touch likes words of affirmation. I have compromised and I think it takes time like I'm somebody that you have to be consistent with and like, Wait, I will progress but just give me time some people aren't willing to stay there because it took me what eight months to get to like comfortable like to say the words I miss you or like,

Alexis Grant 19:47
unless you're like it's crazy. I don't Okay, this is a big thing for me. Like this is sound so weird. I was trying to explain this to my friend the other day like she finally got it but I need somebody Are you who's nonchalant in order for me to ever even get to words of affirmation? I agree. Because I feel like when I say like, like, if I say, and I miss you, if it's somebody who's very, very like, emotional, like, it's gonna mean more to them than it means to me. And I don't want to be in that imbalance because that chunk is crazy, like that emotional imbalance is something very serious. So if they're nonchalant about it, and I'm like, I miss you. And they're like, why would you say that to me? I'm gonna be like, I don't know. That was weird. You. And that's how I like to communicate? Yes. Like, I'll be like, yeah, like, I feel nasty. But I'ma tell you, I miss you right now. And they're gonna be like, Wow, that's wild. would be like, I know, right? Like, that's the type of communication I like, like I enjoy.

Hamsata Mazou 20:42
That would not work for me. That's what I used to do even want them to say it back.

Jeanine Ikekhua 20:47
I really don't. And now it's like a 5050. Because like, I like that, because it's like, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I'm not gonna do what I mean. But you know what I mean? Yeah. But I still feel like, like, you gotta go back and be like, now I'll do that. And like, they'll say, Oh, I miss you. But like, next year, I'll be like, Yeah, sure. I miss you. I've been getting to like, write things down. I can't say things, but I can write things. So what I'll do like, fam is hard. It's so hard for me. Like one of my friends had COVID And like, I wanted to be there for them but like COVID I'm finna run. So instead of like messaging I miss you or all of that. I just wrote like a letter. Literally love notes every day. Nice break sprayed them on my perfume. So like, oh, smell me. Yeah, like I sprayed like a teddy bear with my perfume too. So they could like cuddle with a teddy bear so

Alexis Grant 21:40
much report doesn't sound like she's gift giving is I want to live like

Jeanine Ikekhua 21:45
this. Not I do all when it does. When it comes to what I show people I do the entire spectrum. Okay, when it comes to

Alexis Grant 21:54

Jeanine Ikekhua 21:56
No. Except from words of affirmation. I do everything else acts of service, physical touch, whatever. I do everything else. But where's the affirmation? No. I was on paper. I can write it on paper.

Alexis Grant 22:07
I can't even even on paper. It's so hard for me. Like I'm just crazy to me. Like, I really need to I just need somebody nonchalant in order for me to even get to

Jeanine Ikekhua 22:17
the point of I will do everything but say the actual words. No. Everything else but say the actual words. I'm not

Alexis Grant 22:23
saying it's insane how far I'll go to not say that actual words.

Hamsata Mazou 22:28
Just looking at this like crazy. No, I'm just like taking it in. You know, I feel like there's different people. You guys are like on the opposite spectrum of me. So it's just like, oh, this is how this feels to some people you really

Jeanine Ikekhua 22:39
be meaning it when you say say what the words.

Hamsata Mazou 22:45
Well, I usually say it to like, my friends or like my siblings, or like my family. But yeah, usually, sometimes though, I will say like, it depends the environments being sex, and it's like the Oh, I love you. I was like, Oh, let me tell you know, yeah.

Alexis Grant 23:02
I'm never the one to initiate like the

Hamsata Mazou 23:05
I just never initiate it, you know? Because to me, that means so much more

Alexis Grant 23:10
than that. If I don't say sometimes I will. I'll be like, Okay, see you like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 23:14
I'd be like, la la.

Hamsata Mazou 23:17
La la la. La give somebody says it to me. And I just like, like the manner it's being said. It's just like all like a casual thing and stuff. Because I feel like it's been used casually and I wouldn't say literally, I would use it's casual, but some people use it casually, so I use it casually back to them to reciprocate that, but not necessarily. I don't think I would use that in a casual way.

Alexis Grant 23:39
Okay. So this is a little different. How, how do you guys feel about polyamorous relationships?

Jeanine Ikekhua 23:48
No. Oh, you heard me? No,

Hamsata Mazou 23:51
I mean, me, but I respect other people's relationships that are poly because again, at least for me, my family is poly. Well, not my nuclear, extended, extended family. They're poly. I mean, my mom's father, she had two moms she loves them both dearly when each one passed away, or was just like a piece of her leaving her so it was just like a big connection. And for that for me, it's just like, there's really like a connection and love within these relationships. So I can't really like say anything especially like, now I feel like they're becoming more acceptable society. I don't know. I feel like for me, at least on my social media, I'm seeing more of it. And I enjoy watching it and seeing like people's reasonings and stuff for it. But can I be in that situation? No.

Alexis Grant 24:36
Yeah, I just don't have the energy. Yeah, if I wanted to like I don't think I don't have an urge to want to but I couldn't even if I want I

Hamsata Mazou 24:44
feel like you have to be able to like like everybody in the relationship, whoever the other partner is.

Alexis Grant 24:52
Like, no, I don't have the energy to like, do the things I need to do. Well, yeah, but show them

Hamsata Mazou 24:57
like the love and see. Yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 24:58
like I'm so hesitant when one A person like with two people, that's a lot like, my energy would just be drained. And then I wouldn't want to.

Alexis Grant 25:05
Yeah, yeah. Cuz I have to make sure like, because like when I am in a relationship, I like to do certain things like and be a certain way and whatever. And I don't have the energy to do that to two people because I'm, I'm a very low maintenance. Like, girl in a relationship, like in a good relationship. I'm so lonely and it's like, you don't even need to text me every day. And I know that some people that's insane. I get that. Yeah, like, there's people. I've been seeing stuff on Twitter. It's like, yeah, if you're okay with not texting your significant other every day, like you don't even love them. But it's not even that, like, I just don't need it. Like, I love my friends. I love my family. I don't talk to them every day. Neither do I. And like, it's one thing like if you're married, if you're married, and you're living together, like you're most likely to talk to each other every day, stuff like that. But like, right now, me being like college, we're not living together anything like that. Like, I might talk to them every day. And that's fine. It's not like I'm against talking to them every day, but it's not something I need, or I keep track of.

Hamsata Mazou 26:03
Yeah, baffling, at least every week. For me.

Alexis Grant 26:07
Yeah, like I need to talk to them more than once a week. Well, yeah.

Hamsata Mazou 26:09
But like, at the very minimum, like, yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 26:13
I call mine or social. But I just went through my call log in the day and it really said, Friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, mom, best friend. Best friend. Best friend best friend. Yeah, I think I speak to the person. Yeah. Six times a day. But here's the thing. Like, they live right. Like, we're college like, everybody is so close. So it's not even on the Yeah. Hours and hours. It's just like on the phone like Okay, are you here? Okay, let's

Alexis Grant 26:41
go. Yes. Did

Jeanine Ikekhua 26:42
you get this? Can I cook pizza from here? I forgot something that like it's like,

Hamsata Mazou 26:47
it's like what? You probably could have certain text you do it in phone call?

Jeanine Ikekhua 26:50
Yes, I do. Not you. If you text me say hey, Janine, actually, something real quick for me. You call me I'm not answering.

Hamsata Mazou 26:56
I usually call people if I need it immediately. Like after a little bit like five to 10 minutes you don't play calling you FaceTime specifically,

Jeanine Ikekhua 27:03
everything is immediate for me. And I treat my friends the same way. Like every single if you every single thing is even if it's just like, I just wanted to say hi like, Oh, I forgot something. Like everything is immediate for me. So I'm always gonna pick up which is why I don't I don't which is I only tell a specific group of people you can call me everybody else you're not gonna get me.

Hamsata Mazou 27:25
I remember you did say that for your birthday cuz I was like I remember Yeah. And then afterwards you were like, I was like I don't know why something about calling you on your birthday came up you're like oh, that's fine. It's okay. And I was like oh, but then you said don't and I was like let me just stick with the don't

Jeanine Ikekhua 27:42
know I feel like there's levels to things like I'm very practices before but I'm very protective about my Andrew my birthday. You know I

Hamsata Mazou 27:52
really respect you I just like just yeah different thank you we're

Jeanine Ikekhua 27:57
gonna respond that day. I was thinking like the next day you respond to my text to know Loki for like you were like doing like a no phone thing as well in my head. No, I wasn't what your own know what was going on social but I was on my phone. Because like I told you, I spent three hours with my friends and like, five for my friends called me twice in the day to check in on me. I'm just very protective of like, if you haven't earned my trust to a degree, don't you dare call me you will never be able to get me you have to work to have my friends. Okay. And for the people who have worked and I have friends that I I don't have any fun at this point that I can call my friend. Anytime that we haven't been friends for at least four years. I have friendships that go back. I literally was on my best friend store and I didn't even realize like she has a picture of us from when we were like seven years old. All my friendships go back like six five, like five years or six years. I have pictures of you from like so long. They've known me through everything. So you have the honor because you've worked for it. It's a call me the rest of your don't pick up that phone. You don't know me you've never willing to get to actually take the time to know me. And that's some period. I'm so protective over you know, average, I

Alexis Grant 29:04
definitely would say that's different. Like, I don't think a lot of people are thinking that relational protecting. Yeah, on my birthday. I'm like what I'll do, I'll start responding to people. And then if I get tired, I tend to respond more to people the next day. And on my actual birthday. I will say that because I just get tired. Like I just can't respond to that many people. That's why have you doing those little Instagram things like the little ask a question, and I'll respond to some of them. But like, I always only get through like a fourth of them because I just don't have the energy to like, post the rest or do whatever. Like, have you feeling bad because some

Jeanine Ikekhua 29:33
of them are funny. you've responded to mine. Especially Are you Yeah, yeah,

Alexis Grant 29:39
I definitely think that energy thing like, that's different, like on your birthday, because I feel like the only people who don't really talk to people on their birthday are people who don't celebrate it, but you're celebrating it. You just aren't celebrating it with everybody.

Jeanine Ikekhua 29:50
Yeah, I feel Yeah, like, you guys have no idea what I did on my birthday than what I told you now. Yeah, we are also like your friends. So I'll let y'all know. Oh, but, but um, yeah, like, I don't even think. Like I called my friend that I was on the phone with like 20 minutes ago and y'all y'all heard when I was on the phone going off, but like she had no idea so my birthday. I had a whole fun filled day yesterday like,

Alexis Grant 30:16
I went so happy for you. Yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 30:18
I went to like four different places. I went, I went out to eat twice what movies? What actually up to 2am? Like, I was having the entire like, but nobody would know because I'm so unactive on social media, like nobody had nobody even knew was my birthday other than the people close to me, because I don't say a word. Like, I'm not gonna say nothing.

Hamsata Mazou 30:39
No, because even when you were telling me I was like, I don't want to indirectly ask like directly ask yourselves like everything mentioned it. I was trying to take hints. That's why my

Jeanine Ikekhua 30:50
21st 22nd day three day weekend.

Hamsata Mazou 30:55
You Yeah, cuz I was like, I need to remember. But I don't want to like ask you directly either. If I was just like, trying to like, make sure because you would like, mention it. But in correlation to things you wouldn't actually say your birthday. Like, oh, this is near my birthday, or this is the day but she never actually stated when was her birthday. So then like with those situations, they kind of blurred because I would recall them later in the day. Like okay, if this this is this, this is this. This has to be her birthday.

Alexis Grant 31:28
So yeah, she ate the junk out. Okay. Now for the thing I'm most excited about. Janine, you're answering first you have no you have no choice. Toxic traits.

Jeanine Ikekhua 31:38
Is Mum Mum Mum, mum, mum,

Alexis Grant 31:41
I'm so excited.

Jeanine Ikekhua 31:42
Okay, this is so bad. But I'm gonna talk about person. We're like, I have two levels. Two people. You're either nothing to me, or You're everything to me. Okay? When I get into an argument, I get into a mindset of like,

Alexis Grant 31:56
all hell break loose. Like the relationship is about to fall apart, kind of like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 32:00
I will make sure I will stand. I'm so strong headed. I will stand there and be like, I'm correct. Yes, and if it means that is the end of our relationship, we're gonna die that day. I know. It's so. But it's like, I don't know, when I'm in it. It just happens. Like, I'll just sit there and be like, you want to argue let's take this far. You want to pull out things? Let's pull out things. I'll make you I'll make you cry. Why? Because I want to it's so bad guy. Which is why I don't argue with people. I Yeah. Because I was getting that mindset. And then I helped break with somebody to kill everybody. You're gonna die by emotional damage, because I want to get to my point. And so

Alexis Grant 32:39
that's me when I'm angry. But I wouldn't say just like argument like I have to be here. Yeah. But also I think, well, I can get irritated easily. Oh, yeah. Actually, to the point of anger. Yeah, that's when I start like, I'll start violating and disrespecting

Jeanine Ikekhua 32:53
you. I don't do it in friendships. I think this is so bad. I do it in the places that are most invested in like emotionally, cuz your relationship

Alexis Grant 33:02
is probably because you're like scared. Yeah, it goes.

Jeanine Ikekhua 33:05
You're you're into like, I'm,

Alexis Grant 33:07
yeah, I'm gonna get you before you get me. Yes. You're like our brother into here. This is a problem. I don't want to deal with this like later on. Like, yes, yes, I hope this is kind of random. But I don't know if I told y'all. And for the listeners, I feel like this is good for y'all to know, to some of the best advice I've ever gotten for relationships. Like, I stand on this like, through and through. And this is from my friend Evelyn. Shoutout to Evelyn Hi, Evelyn. I don't even know if she remembers telling me this because she kind of said in passing but really stuck with me. She was like the problems you have at the very beginning of the relationship, the little problems. Those are the big problems and those that's gonna be the reasons you guys break up in the end is true. And I never thought about it like that before she like said that. Like she's like the lip. It's the littlest things like, that's what's going to ruin it in the end. And ever since then, like I've always been very picky with my relationships. But ever since then, if I can see a reason we're going to break up. I'm so hesitant to the point where I won't get in a relationship at all. If I could already see a reason we're going to

Hamsata Mazou 34:02
break up. Yeah, because at that point, you're working to a point and

Alexis Grant 34:06
nothing Yeah, I'm type of person like, I'd like I'm lucky date to marry like, if I'm gonna see us fail. I don't. You're not gonna get in a relationship.

Jeanine Ikekhua 34:15
You're gonna hate me but I am.

Alexis Grant 34:19
Your fun dater.

Jeanine Ikekhua 34:20
No, I am a fun dater for one person and one man only I have. I'm only ever doing this with one person, which I'm doing it with right now. But um, I feel like there's certain I'm big on religion. I'm not gonna marry you. Unless you're Mormon. There are a lot of people who are not Mormon, and I have met amazing people who are not Mormon. I'm not gonna marry you. But I still want to enjoy you and enjoy us. Yeah, so therefore, I'm gonna teach you what I do is I put a time limit on it. Okay, I've only ever done I know right? It's so terrible. No, I don't think I ever do

Alexis Grant 34:55
because it's good. It's good to have like I do think you need to have previous series will relationships. So I understand like, I completely understand

Hamsata Mazou 35:03
that my bishop for me it was the time limit, like, What do you mean by that? Right? So

Jeanine Ikekhua 35:10
my bishop, because I asked him I was like, I'm in a situation where like, I like somebody, but I know it's not gonna go anywhere because he's not Mormon and I can't marry him. But he was like, first of all, you're gonna have to date multiple people and get practice. Yeah. In order to be it gives you a perspective. Yeah. And let's be fully prepared for marriage. The problem was the one that I'm with right now. It's looking like you really could be husband. Yeah, but you're not Mormon. So therefore, I

Hamsata Mazou 35:36
know, when you're going to be born into it right now encumbered? Oh, yeah. So like

Alexis Grant 35:42
me, do you know, but here's the thing. I know you're about to go. You don't want to ever put somebody in a position where they're converting because of you? Because then it's not true. It's very, it's a, it's such a delicate balance because of you. But how is she ever gonna know? It's not because of her? That's my thing, too. Because like, because for all he likes all she can do just for me just Yeah.

Jeanine Ikekhua 36:03
Because I haven't. I've had couples that like the husband or the wife found woman isn't through their partner. Yeah, I don't want you to tie your religion with me. Because then we start break us out. Mormon anymore. I want you to be committed regardless of me.

Alexis Grant 36:18
Yeah. And I feel like that is so hard to tell it really? I wouldn't, I wouldn't I don't want to go through that. I wouldn't do it. Like, I just can't go through it. Because I'm the same way. Like I just, I has to be a Christian guy. Like it just has to be. Because if you find him through me, I don't. Like I don't want to be the link. Yeah, I agree. Like, that'd be a direct relationship you're having with God, I can't be your saving link.

Hamsata Mazou 36:44
At least in Islam. Women can't marry, which I kind of felt like sometimes it's weird. But essentially, women can't marry a man who isn't already in the religion. However men can marry women who are

Alexis Grant 36:57
I did not know that. I didn't know that either. So like, is that for all of Islam or just certain, like, reject? Because I know, like certain regions have certain conditions when it comes to

Hamsata Mazou 37:07
religion. Well, this sewer Wait. There's Sunni. Yeah. And she is Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that's a universal thing. Okay, interesting. I am Sunni. So I can't really speak for Shias, and like how they practice because I don't really know. I don't even know there's two different types. And so I went to school and asked my mom, she was like, yeah. So yeah, with that being said, I can't speak for them. But yeah, like men can like technically like have like a wife and then they can like, or a partner, I guess. And then they convert into Islam. Yeah, yeah. But usually when it's done, though, it's more so for like their love of their religion rather than their partner. I don't know how they go about making sure it's that case, that's usually afraid of the couples I've seen, like everyone is like, oh, hamdulillah like, I found Islam. And like, I'm so thankful that I met you to help me like learn about the religion, anything that's positive stuff, or whatever. But I had a man I don't really know how like that process goes, because I'm can't go through it.

Alexis Grant 38:09
Because I feel like my mom look, he like Christ and my dad and his. Yeah. And I know for her, like, that's really like, she really found it. And it wasn't because of him. Yeah, but like, I'm just too scared to try that. I see.

Jeanine Ikekhua 38:25
And then also, like, my person is heavily invested in his religion. Like, yeah, he's like, the same way. Like I'm diehard, like, I'm not going to date outside of them.

Alexis Grant 38:34
Okay, so you have a mutual agreement with like, chocolate, but it's, it's hard because like a time limit, like how are you going to put a time? Oh, yeah, because the emotions are there in the connections there. So it's just you just gotta kill it.

Jeanine Ikekhua 38:45
The literally the only missing thing is the religion which gets me like frustrated, but I'm also like, if God wanted me to be with this person. Yeah, it would have been

Alexis Grant 38:52
a lot. And what I try to think about in situations like that, I'm like, like, God is showing me like what type of person I do need. Yeah, I mean, like, this is the show you what? God got you.

Jeanine Ikekhua 39:07
Off Lex. Yeah, like

Alexis Grant 39:08
you just you're finding what you do need and what you don't need in a relationship through this person. You can figure out like, okay, like, this is what a healthy relationship looks like. Yeah. Yeah. And you'll be able to find a healthy relationship. And the person you're supposed to be with my toxic trait. Um, I kind of mentioned it earlier. I won't press if there's an issue on your side. So like, if you're having problems with me, or something I'm doing and you don't let me know. I'm not gonna press it because in my head, you're acting like a child you're being pissy I'm gonna give you a buck

Jeanine Ikekhua 39:45
likes to call me out

Alexis Grant 39:51
figure it out. No, because I I'm gonna need you to tell me because in my head, like, that's something I'll get pity about in my head. I'm not going to act towards you any different only, but in my head, I'm like, Okay, we got a problem. But you're not telling me. So obviously, it's not a problem enough. That's what I'm thinking.

Hamsata Mazou 40:07
Do you think that because like neither one of you guys want to address it, it'll turn No, because

Alexis Grant 40:12
it's a problem on their side. If I'm not having a problem, you're having a problem, something I'm doing, that's a you problem. And you have decided not to make it a weed problem. So it's gonna stay a you problem until you make it a weed problem.

Jeanine Ikekhua 40:25
Some people drop hints, some people are not going to come up out, right and be like, this is a problem, but they'll drop hints and like, expect you

Alexis Grant 40:30
here's the thing. Like, it's not like, I'll just be like, Oh, they're not okay, I'm not gonna say anything. I'll be like, here's everything cool. Or like, Hey, I noticed like, you kind of weird like, for this. But if you're like, No, everything's cool. I'm not pressing it. Really? No.

Jeanine Ikekhua 40:43
So what like, where does that leave? Like, somebody's just gonna,

Alexis Grant 40:47
they're either just got to say, or they're gonna have to get over it. Oh, and that's my toxic. That's my toxic trait, like, so I need somebody who's gonna be high on communication, because I'm completely fine with communicating. Like, I can communicate, and I'm fine having the talks. And so like, I don't want to have them like constantly about the same thing. But like, I'm fine having those talks. But like, if it's a problem on your side that you're having with me, and I'm not having a problem. You're gonna have to come to me about it. Because you're not if you're not making it a wheat problem. It's a you problem. And that sounds harsh, but like, that's, that's, I mean, that's why it's toxic. Like, yeah, definitely

Hamsata Mazou 41:26

Jeanine Ikekhua 41:29
You think your partner's problems should be your problems, too? It depends

Alexis Grant 41:33
what type of problem they have a meal or a problem they're having in general,

Jeanine Ikekhua 41:37
might seem like a problem, like, okay, like, for me, I'm hard to I have a hard time communicating exactly what I want. And for you, you're not going to press. If I have a problem, and I'm dropping hints that I have a problem. Is

Alexis Grant 41:49
it an obvious hint? Or is it subtle?

Jeanine Ikekhua 41:53
It's like, Uh huh.

Alexis Grant 41:55
And how hard do I need it? Because if I, if you drop a hint, I'm like, Hey, Janine, like, what's up? And you're like, nothing

Jeanine Ikekhua 42:00
change in attitude. Like, I think there's a way you say nothing. Like if you asked me oh, what's the Is there a problem? I'm like, nothing. Lexi. Like, that is like, yeah.

Alexis Grant 42:09
Okay, what's the problem? Like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 42:10
tell me like, Oh, nothing like, yeah, no, that's not your fault. Because if you tell

Hamsata Mazou 42:14
me that, I'm not gonna even like suspected anything, you

Alexis Grant 42:17
know. But even if you have the attitude, and that's obviously a problem. Like, I'll be like, Okay, we have a problem. And what's the problem? If you like, nothing, I'm not pressing. Because in my in my head again, you, you don't want us to fix the problem. Why don't you want us to fix the problem? If we got a problem? Let me know. If not how I can't do anything. You're not telling me what the problem is?

Jeanine Ikekhua 42:36
Is it valid to a degree,

Alexis Grant 42:38
but sometimes I'll get petty about it

Hamsata Mazou 42:40
though. Like I was talking Lexi's point to a degree like that's what sometimes I was like, no, but then like, when you look at it, like full scope, I'm just like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 42:48
Yeah, it's like if they're dropping subtle hints and have a hard time communicating, but like, I think also you got to know your partner's definition of like trying is yeah, like for me subtle hit, because I know I'm bad at communication. If I dropped subtle hints, like I'm trying to communicate, but for some reason, they got me in a chokehold. Do you see what I'm saying?

Alexis Grant 43:06
See, I think that's one of those things. Like I can't compromise on though. Like, we're gonna have to be somebody who can communicate that you have a problem.

Jeanine Ikekhua 43:13
That's valid, as long as you are aware about it, and you let your partner know and they're good with it.

Alexis Grant 43:17
Yeah. Because I literally had problems with that before with, like, different people. And I didn't, I'm not gonna press. Like, I'm just not gonna press especially. Oh, especially Oh, my gosh, I'm not a fighter in a relationship. I don't want to argue at all. Like, I know, that's my school fighter. Like, no, like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 43:41
we physically fight No, no

Alexis Grant 43:42
argument argumentatively our words like I don't want to fight. So like, if you start coming at me crazy, or you say something like, we're done anything like that. I'll be like, Okay, I'm not gonna fight you on it. We're done.

Jeanine Ikekhua 43:54
That's me. You be like, if that's what you like, that's fine.

Alexis Grant 43:58
Yeah, no cat like, even though probably like, that's crazy. No, I'll

Jeanine Ikekhua 44:02
move No, no,

Alexis Grant 44:04
they're like, Okay, like, this is done or, like, if they're coming at me, they're having their heated. Like, they're trying to argue, oh, if they're heated, yeah, they're trying to argue like, I would just be like, okay,

Hamsata Mazou 44:15
yeah. Like, when you want to, like discuss like, what you have an issue with an argument like I don't feel like an argument for me. It's like you yelling and like chaos and stuff. But it could be more of like, a calmer thing, that discussion and hearing each other's person. Okay,

Alexis Grant 44:31
that's different. But if you're like, even if you're trying to have a discussion if you're coming at me heated and it's like, yeah, I like that point. It like got to let you have you even if you're not giving me a choice. Yeah. ultimatum stuff. Like if you're like, if you're like, This is a problem, fix it or we're done. We're done. We're done. Yeah, why am I why am I like, why am I fighting you about this? Like you should also want to be in a relationship with me. If you're ready to be done that quick. Let's be done, as it was never that strong to begin with. Apparently and I don't care if they come back from like, I'm sorry, like you shouldn't. Like, obviously in that moment, that's how you felt. And even if you really are sorry, I can go back and forth. I'm too tired to I shut down. Like, part of me being low maintenance as part of me being like, just I'm just low just I don't even know how to describe it. But like, I'm not You're not fighting you on none of that. Like she's not happening. Yeah, what's what's your some sorta

Jeanine Ikekhua 45:26
I'm scared. Let me know what's up. Why are you scared? Like you're? I can never tell what's going on. But you really? I thought you'd be up there. Like you're there up there are

Alexis Grant 45:38
more like less toxic, toxic more than petty.

Hamsata Mazou 45:42
Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like weirdly enough, it's only with my mom that I how

Jeanine Ikekhua 45:50
mom's bring out the demons. Why did you tried

Hamsata Mazou 45:55
to do these things? I mean, even like the apology thing, usually. Yeah. But like the rest of these. I feel like it's really with my mom. And I feel like yeah, she brings out the worst in me, unfortunately. But, um, or even with? I don't remember. What's the trade though? Yeah, I'll graduate sometimes. And like when I hold a grudge, like for me to get to that point is very hard. But when I'm there if I'm not going to talk to you about Michael say nothing to you, like, for me, I'm not that type of person. Like if you know me. Yeah, I'm gonna usually like flow free. Yeah, you're very free. Yeah. So like for me to get there. And I can go forever without talking to you. And it's a matter of time with angry like, If I get angry at you. It's really just Dubs. And it's hard for me to get angry to like, yeah, I can get irritated quite easily. I'm like, Oh, what are you

Alexis Grant 46:44
right there with me? Like, I'll get your data so fast. If you can reach a point that angry

Hamsata Mazou 46:48
brah It's over for you. Because like,

Alexis Grant 46:51
that's, that might be a toxic trait of mine. But I don't think it's toxic. Because I think I'm being so serious. If you get me to the point of anger, it is 100% your fault. 100% Because this is how I am I might get irritated. But if you get me to the point of anger, that means I have to believe that I had no instigation. Like, I did not cause the problem at all. Because if I think I even caused the problem a little bit, I will accept that blame and I'll be like, Okay, I'll try to work out. But if it is fully you and you give me an angry, I'm sorry. i It's 100% the person's fault. Really? I don't even get there. 100%

Jeanine Ikekhua 47:27
I think another toxic trait of mine is like, I'll just shut down. Like, I literally just sit down there and like, I'm just showing that you want to talk about it. I'm just gonna sit there look at you like, Okay, how and yeah, sometimes

Hamsata Mazou 47:38
if you're like talking to me, and I already like, just don't want to listen to you. I'll just like kind of like, okay, yeah. And then like, and then like, just don't talk to you no more.

Jeanine Ikekhua 47:49
When I don't want to have a conversation with somebody. I just shut down. I started getting petty. And that makes it even worse. Just why I hate arguing. But no, if you're screaming at your partner, get up and run because Why are you screaming?

Alexis Grant 48:02
See, that's something I wouldn't do. I wouldn't walk away. Somebody's screaming at me. I'm just gonna sit there and take it and I'm gonna just have a blank face.

Jeanine Ikekhua 48:07
I'm gonna do that too. And I'm gonna say stop and be like, You done? Yeah.

Alexis Grant 48:13
That was cute is crazy. But I'd be like, Okay, are you good now? Yeah. And then they, if they say something else, like, if they're done with that, I'd be like, Okay, so we have this conversation later, when you're not gonna yell at me. Yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 48:23
yeah, you're my friend. All hell break loose.

Alexis Grant 48:28
Like, I'm not gonna argue back with you. You can come back when you're ready to like, speak to me. civilized, Yale, civilized.

Hamsata Mazou 48:36
Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm like that sometimes. But sometimes, if you like really hit a button in me, that'll like trigger me to yield back. I could potentially yell Yeah.

Alexis Grant 48:45
And I yield back. You're done. You're done. You're done. But like,

Hamsata Mazou 48:49
for the most part, I'll just like sit there. Like, either listen to you. If you have like some valid claims. It's just like, the way you're presenting it is wrong. Or if I just feel like you're really just bugging, like, I'm just gonna look at you and be like, okay, like, yeah, calm down. Let's like,

Alexis Grant 49:02
ultra something that my friends could owe me for it. Because I think this is crazy. And I know it's crazy. But I just can't change my internally feel about this. I'm very overly cocky when it comes to thinking I will never be cheated on. I truly don't think I'm kidding. You felt that? That's not just me. That's not just me.

Jeanine Ikekhua 49:24
Like I don't think it's

Alexis Grant 49:25
I don't think I'm gonna be cheated on ever.

Jeanine Ikekhua 49:29
I think it's because like, you know, the type of people you give your energy.

Alexis Grant 49:33
And like, I'm so picky, and I don't play games like just because for the simple fact I don't want to art Yeah, damn. Yeah. Who who? She know herself. I blow like I know myself. And, like, I think somebody who might disagree, but I'm pretty good at reading people who are good for me. And I pay attention to the little signs. The second you I don't need a red flag. I don't wait for red flags. The second not junk. It turns not even yellow, lime green, lime green, you're done in my head. We're not getting together. Like, I'm not I'm not doing it like any set off. It's is done. I agree. And that's like before I'm in relationship if you give me something lime green, while we're in a relationship, I'll keep it and I'll be like, Okay, if I see lime green again, we're having a discussion.

Hamsata Mazou 50:24
Okay, I thought you meant like cut ties. No, I'm not gonna break up.

Alexis Grant 50:27
Like, just like that. But if we're having a discussion, and it's not fully green, I'm gonna keep having that discussion. If it never gets, like, we'll sit there and keep having. If it never turns green, we might be done.

Jeanine Ikekhua 50:40
No, I don't think it's overly cocky. Like, I'm the same way. Yeah. And like, if you know me, you know, like, I protect my, yeah,

Alexis Grant 50:48
even you talking about your birthday? Like, like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 50:50
I do not play like I noticed. Because like, I give so much on myself to the people that I love. Yeah. And if you break my heart, you will break the entire parts of me and like, I'm just not having that. So I protect myself to the fullest. But I agree. Like, now, I'm not gonna say it's gonna happen. Just know that things are out of your control sometimes. And in it, things happen. Yeah, but I agree. I feel like I'm very I'm pretty confident in like, I don't think I don't think I'm gonna get cheated. Like I just I'm so selective. You never know. I'm in a relationship. And so I say something. Yeah, I could have been in war for eight months. And nobody knew like you just

Hamsata Mazou 51:36
like he was diggin. It wasn't getting No, I

Alexis Grant 51:38
was looking through bedrock.

Jeanine Ikekhua 51:41
It really was. No, like, I can be with somebody or have eyes on somebody for a very long time. And like, nobody will know. And I've done it before. Nobody knows.

Alexis Grant 51:50
I'm not secretive about it. Like all this. I'll let my friends know when I like somebody or like, I'll let people know I'm relationship. I'm not somebody like posting about them. 24/7

Hamsata Mazou 51:57
Yeah, posting. No.

Jeanine Ikekhua 51:59
I feel like it's like, if you're asked me, Do you have a boyfriend? If I have one? I'm gonna give you a straight up answer. Yeah, but you're not going to volunteer. Hey, guys, boyfriend? No. See?

Alexis Grant 52:10
I really do. For my friends. Well, yeah, for my friends. I'm gonna tell them like, after happens, I'll be like, like, but they'll probably get to know I was interested in this person to begin with.

Jeanine Ikekhua 52:18
Not mine. I thought hints. So like for me, I literally told my friend I had the camera propped up. Yeah. And I was doing my thing. Somebody walked past gave me a kiss. And they're like, Yeah, you're like, I'm that type of person. I'm not going to tell you but I'm a drop date. And I'm, like, I showed them the she say

Alexis Grant 52:38
she said, I'm putting it down. You better pick it up.

Jeanine Ikekhua 52:42
I'm not going to tell you straight up. But I'm gonna throw hints that make it extremely obvious.

Alexis Grant 52:47
Now, I'll tell people,

Hamsata Mazou 52:49
I'll tell like my friends and like my inner self good friends. And then outside of that the rest of y'all. I mentioned. I mentioned but like, no deep details? Probably not. Yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 53:00
I don't like people in my business. Yeah, I really just don't I don't. I don't do social. I get scared.

Alexis Grant 53:05
I see. I do post a lot on social media. Anything I post I feel like it's stuff I'm already doing. That's public. So I don't care. Like especially when it's like me hanging out with friends like that. Like if they're posting about it. People already know where I like, I don't care. Yeah,

Hamsata Mazou 53:18
like, I'll repost people's things for the most part, but for me to like, post it on my own. Oh, like, unless it's like your birthday. I'm like, Oh, this is my friend. Like, I have so many pictures of me and my friends doing things that nobody's ever seen. And then when it's their birthday, I'll pick up a select few. And I usually pick it because I once we're happy on the birthday. Wait, what's the third one? To whoever is like the person is that I love you. I miss you. Or

Alexis Grant 53:45
I feel like I post a lot of pictures of me my friends y'all probably Yeah, you do. But that's not all the pictures I have. Like, I still have so many more like I really since I've come to college. I think I've gained like 3000 photos on my camera. That's insane. That's what I'm

Jeanine Ikekhua 53:59
saying. Like your life is a movie though. Like your life is a straight up movie. I mean, are we doing a lot? You like you're always out? You're always out? Five? Me? I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry to be out too. But I feel it comes on.

Alexis Grant 54:15
She's more chill. Yeah, it's more chill. Oh, NaVi everywhere

Hamsata Mazou 54:20
I go places. I don't always present that information to people either. Like, see, I'm very open when it comes. I'll maybe tell you face to face or mouth to mouth type thing like, I'll tell you then. But like for me, like posted or whatever. Yeah, no, it's not really my interest is personally like,

Alexis Grant 54:40
yeah. When you said you were like protected with your energy, and that's part of the reason you don't feel like you'd be cheated on. I feel like for me, it's not even that because I'm, I'm not that protective of my energy. I'm gonna keep it a buck. But I have a reason. It's not just because like, I want everybody to have my energy, but you didn't like there's just been so many times I've met people very briefly or acquaintances or anything like that, who came to me about really, really serious stuff because I was so open with my energy. So that's why I do I do it so that people feel comfortable to come to me if they need to. Make sense. Yeah, because it's definitely like, it's happened a lot. And it'd be like most random people like, more like in high school, like, there'd be people I'd have classes with, like, I'd get cool with them, I'd be very open with them stuff. And like, read maybe get a little below surface level, but then one day, they would just come at me with like something really, really heavy. And like, they'll just feel comfortable talking to me about it, because I was so open with like, my energy towards them. So that's why that's why I do I do it so that other people feel comfortable coming to me if they need somebody.

Hamsata Mazou 55:45
And I would like to, like ask something about that real quick. So like, energy and like information. Do you like categorize those things separately? Yeah, so like, what is being like, open with your energy? Like, what does that consist of? With your energy?

Alexis Grant 56:01
A lot of it is yes, I give a lot of my information away. But I feel like the information I give away, Yes, it's me. But it's not necessarily me letting you in my universe. I feel like me letting you my universe is me telling you about like, my philosophies on life and stuff like that are like, yeah, so I can talk all day about how I feel about this, that the third button, so I talk to you about, like, this is how I view life. Like, you're not really in my universe, but I can still be open about like, everything else. Or like, I'll keep to myself, like, there's certain things about me that I know that like, I feel like might come across as bad on the surface level. So I need to have like a long conversation about it. Stuff like that, I'll get myself. And that's the part I do protect by everything else. I keep very, very open. So a lot of it is information. But some of it is just me being very vulnerable with people I'm not close with.

Jeanine Ikekhua 56:57
See me It's everything I protect every single day. I appreciate

Hamsata Mazou 57:04
for you on that as well. I don't know I have questions. And do you think you protect your energy? Because like, once you expose it, it's like all out on the table type thing. So like, want to like give it to somebody just like yeah, sure.

Jeanine Ikekhua 57:18
Oh, no, yes. Yeah. Once you have me as a friend, like, you will never be lonely. I noticed that, like, I don't notice that I go to the ends of the, when I tell you I will put my life my show my heart, my body on the line for my friends. Like, if you get me to that point, you will forever have me like, call me at 5am 6am 2am. Like, whenever you need somebody you can consistently rely on me like I don't play you have me You have me forever. And like that's the reason why I have friendships that have like 1011 1213 years, like, I have had people that have been there, I've flown out and spent 700 something dollars because I wouldn't see my friends like, I go above and

Alexis Grant 57:59
beyond. I appreciate that in you a lot. Because I don't know a lot of people were like that. Yeah, that's

Jeanine Ikekhua 58:04
my brother was looking for when he was talking about that previous episode, go check that out.

Alexis Grant 58:09
But yeah, I really do appreciate that. It's very different. I really, really like it. And like, to this extent, I would want to be like that. But like I just, I just can't, I just can't I feel like I

Hamsata Mazou 58:21
could be like that. But again, I feel like the friendships that I do have like before, like at least my middle school friendships. I didn't have a phone. So like when I left these people and when I came back, I feel like we kind of also was middle school I feel like it's getting over as a person that like I don't feel like we could like it for me it's very much in person things first need to be established before I can go out to like,

Alexis Grant 58:43
interconnect I like that. Like there's people I'm close with I've never met

Hamsata Mazou 58:47
so then like after that those friendships kind of like you know, like I they posted whatever up like, oh my gosh, I miss you guys and stuff or whatever. But I feel like like that close bond type thing, which I value in friendships, it just won't be there because they're so far away. And I can't rekindle them this I'm like with them. Or if they took time to like, be on a call with me back like being on call with somebody. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. And so I knew them. So like, again goes back to that in person contact and re establishing that.

Jeanine Ikekhua 59:14
I'm big on Toggle head. Oh, you don't

Hamsata Mazou 59:21
know you're fine,

Jeanine Ikekhua 59:22
but I just want my friendships our commitment to me like my best friend in the entire world who I love absolutely dearly. I haven't seen her in seven years. But like we've been friends ever. We've been best friends ever since seventh grade. And now I'm a sophomore in high school. But I haven't and I left Nigeria. Well, yeah, seven years eight years ago and I still haven't seen her. And like we're still best friends like to like, to this day that's like that's who I was texting before I got here like, I just feel like it's a commitment and all my friendships were cultivated under very extreme circumstances. Yeah, I feel like God and I love just I love me some god I'm I feel like God like he's pumped. He knows me and he knows how much I give to people. And I feel like because of that he always puts me in situations where I can cultivate deep friendships like to this day surprises me like how many deep friends I have, and how much and how much people reciprocate my energy.

Alexis Grant 1:00:19
See? Yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:00:20
that's good that they do. They do if you don't get cut out. Oh,

Alexis Grant 1:00:24
see, I have a problem. This is like, I will say, with friendships, then my significant other, but like, I'm really bad at reaching out first. And all my friends know that. Oh, yes. I handle it like, was horrible case.

Hamsata Mazou 1:00:43
Lexi. I met you last semester. Right. Yeah. So um, I don't know what I thought or like relationship was at the time, but I think it was the point that you would reach out to me. So you reached out to me. And that was like, Oh my gosh, maybe we're closer that I realize. You're like, Hey, I forgot something. I don't know. But you know, you're just like, we need to hang out. That's literally it was something along the lines of like, I haven't seen you in a while. We need to hang out or something like that. Oh, yeah. And then I was like, I really liked him such

Alexis Grant 1:01:13
as vibe. Oh. I love but like, I will say, though, not to make not to like take away from from that. I sometimes reach out better to people I'm not close with because I want to be close with them. Okay, okay. Yeah, that's like now that we got Yeah. At that point. I think I know what you're talking about. I wouldn't have considered us friends. I would have said we're cool. Yeah, we were cool. Yeah, for sure. We're friends. But I wanted to get us to the point friends, but once I get you to the point of friends, like, if I don't see you, and you're not liking my environment, I'm really really bad with reaching out, like have this friend. Shout out to Olivia. I love Olivia. Olivia knows I love her. And sometimes she'll get on me. But she knows. Like, if she doesn't contact me first. Sometimes I can go three months. More not say anything. Like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:02:03
I find his way you stab? Yeah, I

Hamsata Mazou 1:02:05
felt because I have different functions. But

Alexis Grant 1:02:07
my best friends are like that to the only reason like I'm still better reaching out to them. Even like a lot of times, they have to call me first have to reach out to me first. And I feel

Hamsata Mazou 1:02:15
like it's still what you established with it. Like you're the closeness and the frequency of contact. I don't feel like our direct correlation.

Alexis Grant 1:02:21
It's not but for them. That's part of how like, oh, for them. Oh, yeah. That's how they like, want a friendship. Like, that's part of their like, I guess their love language? I don't know. But like, that's what they want. But like, I'm just it's not because I don't want to talk to them. Like, I don't even think to contact like there's been times when I'm like, Oh my gosh, I really miss someone. And I can just text them. And the thought to even text them doesn't come in my mind.

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:02:43
Really. I have my friends on a schedule. It sounds so no, I

Alexis Grant 1:02:47
want to do that. Like, I want to do that. But all my friends are so like, Oops,

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:02:52
don't matters. Like to me like you're like, like the like, I feel like you people say you're busy. But like you still have time to watch Netflix, you still have time to do the things that you love. That's true, you still have time to go take a nice little shower and spend 30 minutes in there and take them back to school. Like you can make time for me but you choose not to Yeah, I feel like sure it 100% Depends on how much you value. Somebody I value my friends and I see this I value my friends enough to the point where like, I have everybody on the schedule. It's not like, Oh, I'm gonna call you at 2pm Every Sunday, but it's just like, oh, okay, that's what I'm talking about. Like you me to my like, Mike, you make sure you contact them like once a week or something like, even once a week, just like once a month. Like I've literally trained my brain to be like, if you call one person and you check on it, you check in with them. Just call the seven other people and like just have like,

Hamsata Mazou 1:03:48
that's what I do. But with my uncles on my dad's side, my dad's side of the family, because I don't know. I don't know, my mom was just like, make sure you stay in contact with them or whatever. So for me like every month I send them all the same message. Some of them will stop at like so that's just trying to keep up with that. Yeah, I

Alexis Grant 1:04:07
don't see that as the same as but like on a key for you

Hamsata Mazou 1:04:09
was just like friendships but I'm just saying like, I kinda had a schedule with them. Like, the other day I was like, I feel haven't talked to him in a while. The last time I messaged him, it was this month so I was like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:04:17
Oh, you're good. See even like that, like I'll still Yeah, I'm not that close

Hamsata Mazou 1:04:21
to them to the point that I feel like oh, that's what I'm talking about close friends.

Alexis Grant 1:04:25
I do this with close friends close friends. Like my best friends. I do this with like, I just have a problem. But here's the thing, if they call me, I'll call back if they text me. I will text them. They just won't initiate it. Yeah, I'm just I'm really bad at initiating. But like, if, like, I feel like maybe recently I haven't been as good but I've just like, like, I'm always busy, but I've just been so busy, like school has been a lot the last three weeks is insane. And

Hamsata Mazou 1:04:53
I feel like taking into consideration that we're all like this time spent in our life where it's just like, constantly change changing and growing and like doing lots of things, but it's, I don't know, I feel like yeah, you can make time. It's just making that commitment. And you guys both being on that same playing field as well. But like, also just understanding that, that time may not be as much as it was before.

Alexis Grant 1:05:15
Yeah, but that's the other thing like with the calls, it's because like, if I get on the phone with a friend, unless I have something to do, I will stay on the phone with them. Five, six hours. Me too. I

Hamsata Mazou 1:05:23
love being on the phone, people that sometimes you have to hang up on me like, I won't hang up. I will, like convince myself I could do everything on the phone. Like, I like, Oh, I'm not gonna do this. You can stay on the phone though. Like, I'll leave you on the phone and I'll go do that thing. Come back, and you'll still be there. Yeah. And, like, talk to you like old quarantine. Me and my friend. We were on the phone like the entire time. Like we weren't necessarily talking. We just on the phone a good to be silence. And then like, I will run a thought up like, oh, blah, blah. And then that'll spark a conversation. Maybe it's long, maybe short. But then I'll go back to silence or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I just like being on the phone with

Alexis Grant 1:05:56
people know, me too. That's all we really have to say. Yeah, I think that's it for today. You know, if y'all got any toxic traits, let us know.

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:06:05
We know y'all have them. Yeah, actually, just let us know y'all have we

Hamsata Mazou 1:06:09
feature them in our next post? We really could.

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:06:11
Oh, you

Alexis Grant 1:06:13
guys. Listen, we'll put out an anonymous poll on our Instagram on black dot podcast. Yeah, repeat on black dot podcast tells you a little toxic traits will

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:06:27
give you advice.

Hamsata Mazou 1:06:28
You're like advice. We can just disclaimer. We are not registered therapists. We're not like Yes.

Alexis Grant 1:06:35
This is just This is just

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:06:37
thoughts and opinions. Yeah, emphasis on thoughts and opinions.

Alexis Grant 1:06:41
Okay, but but

Hamsata Mazou 1:06:42
if you would like our perspective on things

Alexis Grant 1:06:45
Yeah. I'm doing SMR sorry. Yes. Hi, guys.

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:06:51
We'll see you it's been fine it's been great. Yeah, we appreciate y'all.

Alexis Grant 1:06:56
Oh yeah.

Hamsata Mazou 1:07:01
On the next podcast episode,

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:07:03
bye. Bye Love

Alexis Grant 1:07:04
you goodbye I can say that again for the mic. You're the one

Jeanine Ikekhua 1:07:31
on the toxic not celebrating because somebody like somebody that was with literally straight up told me I was like, You're toxic and I was like,

Alexis Grant 1:07:41
Oh my gosh, I'm so interested. Okay, we're gonna Okay.

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