On Love.Download MP3
Alexis Grant 0:00
Hi everyone. I'm Alexis.
Hamsata Mazou 0:01
Jeanine Ikekhua 0:02
I'm Jeanine and you're tuned into WKNC 88.1 FM HD-1 radio. Thanks for listening!
Alexis Grant 0:16
Hi, everyone, and welcome back to On Black.
Jeanine Ikekhua 0:19
Da a da da da da da da da da da.
Alexis Grant 0:24
I like it. Very jazzy.
Jeanine Ikekhua 0:26
Alexis Grant 0:27
Okay, she's still going. On today's episode, we're gonna be talking about love. Love this love.
Jeanine Ikekhua 0:44
Yeah, I'm doing too much. Okay.
Alexis Grant 0:49
I would like to preface this with I lost my voice a couple of days ago. So by the end of this I sound crazy. That's that's why it's a little rough.
Jeanine Ikekhua 0:56
Alexis Grant 0:57
We'll start off with a little background. Hamsata, have you ever been in love?
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:04
Oh no! Here we go... already go on now.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:15
Yes or no? Please. Yes or no. Go ahead, back it up. We have to know. Yeah, but yeah, yeah.
Hamsata Mazou 1:21
Okay. I would have to say no, I don't think I've ever been in love. Jeanine?
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:29
Have I ever been in love? Yes. Yeah.
Alexis Grant 1:34
I've been in love too. Okay. Okay. Okay. Now, next big question. So you know, people know where we coming from? What is your definition of love?
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:46
Alexis Grant 1:47
I can I can go first you go first.
Jeanine Ikekhua 1:49
Alexis Grant 1:50
Okay. So, for background, again, I showed them a little clip of this Miles Carter, Miles Carter and Kai Foster video. And basically, Miles Carter was like, love is a choice. And after I heard that, I never thought of love the same. Because it's really, it's you choosing that person every day.
Jeanine Ikekhua 2:10
Alexis Grant 2:11
Like it's us choosing them over other things like you choosing them over your anger, you choosing them over this, that the third, like, love is just you choosing that person. And I do feel like you need to have feelings to get to that point in love. But like, once you get to that point, I'm not saying you don't need feelings, but like, it's really just a choice. Like everything before that is a strong like a lust, like...
Jeanine Ikekhua 2:34
It's a commitment.
Alexis Grant 2:35
Yeah it's a commitment. It's that using that person. I think that's where a lot of people like slip up when it's like when it comes to cheating and stuff like that. Because it's really like, you just didn't choose your person not saying you weren't in love with them. But it's like, if it's love, like it's you choosing that person or like when relationships start crumblin and like people aren't doing the things they used to and stuff like that. It's like you're not choosing them anymore.
Hamsata Mazou 3:00
And I think it's based off like the understanding of what love is they kind of characterize it as an emotion so that those emotions are leading them to that person. Then they're like, oh, that's the love.
Alexis Grant 3:11
Hamsata Mazou 3:12
But if you put it in the perspective of a choice, like I remember Jay Cole song, he said something about, like...
Hamsata Mazou 3:17
K J Cole.
Hamsata Mazou 3:18
You just so I don't remember but some were in long lines of like, you're going to see other people who may look better than your partner. But it's like you choosing your partner, everytime is like you showing that commitment. And I love to them. I mean, I don't think that's necessarily what he said, but definitely about picking.
Alexis Grant 3:33
Hamsata Mazou 3:34
And I think he was alluding to like, that is what love is if you chose your partner over somebody who may look better than your person. I mean, yeah...
Alexis Grant 3:41
Yeah but there's always gonna be people that look better.
Jeanine Ikekhua 3:43
Hamsata Mazou 3:44
But like, it's just like that love and commitment you have for that person is that that doesn't even matter. Because they're the right person for you and you love them more than you would ever love that person that may or may not look better, you know? Because not only about looks...
Alexis Grant 3:56
Yeah. So what's your definition of love Hamsata?
Hamsata Mazou 3:58
Yoy see if I could tag along with yours. I would like to do that.
Alexis Grant 4:03
Hamsata Mazou 4:03
I think I agree with it. And yeah, I think love is a choice. It's something that you have to like, put yourself in a commitment towards and like working towards it every day along tag along with like, emotions and stuff. Yeah.
Alexis Grant 4:16
How do you feel about that Jeanine?
Jeanine Ikekhua 4:19
Honestly, like somebody who is in love. I just, I don't know, as much as like, yes, like I've been in love. I don't think I fully understand what it is- if that makes sense? Like I know the feelings aspect again, I completely get that like yeah, my heartbeat be like boop boop boop boop I get that part and like I get like a commitment but like, if if someone was like, like your actions like describe like, I have no idea how to put that in words. All I know is it feels good. It feels good
Alexis Grant 4:50
It feel good it feel nice!
Jeanine Ikekhua 4:53
Feel good, extra good. But yeah, I think just going along with with your said I think it's just like a commitment to honor each other. I find for me like it's way deeper. There's like middle school love that.
Alexis Grant 5:08
Jeanine Ikekhua 5:09
Yeah. And then there's like college like, Okay, we could be going somewhere type love. I feel like that is on a whole different level. It's just like a commitment to always be with each other and always be there for each other. And do you know, do you guys on that Netflix show called the Ultimatum?
Alexis Grant 5:23
Yes! I started watching.
Hamsata Mazou 5:27
I saw a snippet of it this morning on Tiktok.
Jeanine Ikekhua 5:28
I felt like it ruins the idea of love for me.
Alexis Grant 5:31
I can't understand that, but I feel like that it's a perfect example of how love is you choosing somebody because like, they're being forced to choose somebody else, and that's why they get so emotionally tied, because they're being forced to choose a person like, what? Like that relationship like, you know, I mean...
Jeanine Ikekhua 5:48
I agree. But I also feel like don't test your love for somebody, I think it gets the point where you have to test, like the fact that on the show, like, in order for you to value me and what we have, I have to give you an ultimatum. Nah you can get up and pack your ultimatum and keep it. I'm being so serious like.
Alexis Grant 6:04
I wouldn't want to give somebody if it's like, okay, either you marry me now or like, we're done. Like, obviously, we just need to be done.
Jeanine Ikekhua 6:10
Like no you should want to marry me!
Alexis Grant 6:10
Yeah, we just gotta be done
Hamsata Mazou 6:12
I dont like ultimatums or, like unnecessary and can be toxic because it's like you're making them choose, and it should never be a choice, it should be like them making that decision on their own, rather than you like putting it out.
Jeanine Ikekhua 6:23
That's why I don't like that show. That's off the topic back.
Alexis Grant 6:25
Jeanine Ikekhua 6:26
It is though.
Alexis Grant 6:27
But along with like, that show definitely made me think about how, because they're forced to choose. But I know for me, like, when I'm interested in somebody, or I want somebody or anything like that, I'm careful about activities I do with them, or things I share with them. Because me sharing those things that's like, in my head, that's me choosing because these are things I want to do with like, my "it" person, if that makes sense. Like there's some activities that I think of, I wish I could have, like I wanted to do with somebody, but I didn't because I'm like, if this doesn't work out, like this is a memory that I know I'm gonna hold forever and be very emotional.
Jeanine Ikekhua 6:59
No I feel that in my soul. Like, I'm so specific and so careful with like, the aspects of me I'm vulnerable with because I feel like when you like somebody like to me, like you're giving yourself emotionally physically, spiritually, like, there's just so many levels and degrees of love that they're getting from you. I might dang you in my memories to like...
Alexis Grant 7:18
You wanna take over my memories??
Jeanine Ikekhua 7:20
I'm gonna have to look back and like you was there like, that's a lot. I'm very close, like, oh, yeah, I'm so closed off in the beginning. But if you stay consistent.
Alexis Grant 7:28
Yeah, I don't know if he's, like, I'm, I'm not somebody who tries to have like, an "it" song with somebody. Because I know every time I listen to that song, I'm gonna think of you. And if I'm able to move past that, then I feel like I didn't love you. I probably liked you. But if I really do love you, that song's good to play around with think of you and I'm going to be my feelings a little bit. I am like...
Jeanine Ikekhua 7:49
But like, it's so crazy. Because like, I think, like, I have never been in like a relationship until like, yeah, I've never, I don't have an ex that's what I'm trying to say, and like, I don't know how people have ex's and like, move on from them because I associate things with people.
Alexis Grant 8:07
Yeah me too.
Jeanine Ikekhua 8:07
So I wouldn't really like imagined be married my husband, I hear someone I started breaking down crying.
Alexis Grant 8:11
Jeanine Ikekhua 8:12
My man gonna be like the heck out of this car right now beucase why you crying over your ex? Like, how do people get over that stuff? Like for me, I'm just I can't see- but I've also never had an ex.
Alexis Grant 8:21
Yeah, I mean, I don't know if I'm the best person to ask. Because I've never had like, I've never had like a dramatic like, ending to a relationship. So I don't know. But I feel like not to be cliche. But lowkey time...like, you just you just distance yourself from it, like the time distance yourself from the situation.
Hamsata Mazou 8:40
Are you able to look back at it and reflecting upon it? Like you are not actually being put in it?
Alexis Grant 8:45
Hamsata Mazou 8:46
Looking at it from the outside perspective, helps you get a clearer like, picture. Yeah, of what occurred in that relationship and what was really love or what was really what, and I feel like you being able to recite- disect that like helps you like, kind of detach from it to an extent.
Alexis Grant 9:01
Yeah that's what I'd be so like, I don't know, even like trips. Like, I would love to do a little vacation thing, but like, something like that. It's gonna stick with me forever.
Jeanine Ikekhua 9:10
No literally. I spent my birthday with my friend yesterday. And, like, if you know me, like I- was it y'all that I told? But I told all my friends don't call on my birthday.
Alexis Grant 9:23
Yeah, you did.
Hamsata Mazou 9:25
Alexis Grant 9:25
You text me separately and be like, Jeanine's not gonna answer. I was like, I forgot. She not gonna answer me. Yeah.
Hamsata Mazou 9:32
I was just like, it's her birthday. She said don't call me. And I was like didn't say happy birthday. Oh my god. Like, I woke up that morning. I was like, yesterday's Best Picture. Happy birthday.
Alexis Grant 9:40
Oh yeah. And guys ay Happy, Happy belated birthday to Jeanine our host!
Hamsata Mazou 9:44
Jeanine Ikekhua 9:45
Thank you. Now, I'm 19.
Hamsata Mazou 9:49
19 how you feel about your last year being a teen? Or you don't think about it that way?
Jeanine Ikekhua 9:54
I don't either. I'm just living life.
Alexis Grant 9:56
Jeanine I thought you turn 20 bro.
Jeanine Ikekhua 9:58
No, I was 18 You're older than me.
Alexis Grant 10:01
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:02
I didn't know that.
Alexis Grant 10:02
I didn't know that.
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:03
We're just talking about that the other day.
Hamsata Mazou 10:05
Jeanine and I had that conversation about she's like, Finally I'm not the youngest because I'm the youngest...
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:09
Hamsata Mazou 10:10
Yeah though she was like, you're such a baby!! I was like Jeanine...
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:20
But yes, turn 19 was fun. Yeah, I spent my birthday with my friend and like, I was so scared to do it because I like to spend birthdays by myself. Because I feel like I know that I'm always be there for me.
Hamsata Mazou 10:33
What dress did you end up wearing?
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:36
I wore clothes though.
Alexis Grant 10:39
No birthday suit?
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:41
No, I'm so lowkey on my birthday. Like, I did not want to do anything. But my friend like, I woke up at like six o'clock to so many birthday messages. And then my friend was like, we should go do something. And then my mom, my grandma, my aunt, like go do something. I was like, Okay, fine. I'll go do something.
Alexis Grant 10:54
Are you happy?
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:55
I'm happy, but I'm just scared. Because now If I ever look back at my birthday, and remember that he was there.
Alexis Grant 11:01
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:01
And that's my biggest fear. And I'm just like, if it doesn't go well, which I don't think that's the case, I'm sure about that, but like still, I will forever associate my my birthday.
Alexis Grant 11:11
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:13
So that's when he comes in? He's not there be like oh, okay.
Hamsata Mazou 11:16
And I feel like that'll only occur for only a few years before you like not
Alexis Grant 11:20
Not even a few years. Honestly, as you can look back at it. And it'd be a happy memory. It's just a memory that you've like, moved on from.
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:27
I think it's just goes back to time because I've never had an ex I've never been in love with anybody so I don't know, because I get attached to people very, very quickly. I'm very physical person. I feel y'all can tell that.
Alexis Grant 11:39
But let's talk about that. What's your love languages?
Hamsata Mazou 11:44
Oh took the test. And mine. Number one is words of affirmation.
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:49
You do be talking a lot. Like that. Like you're very like vocal about things. So I feel like that makes sense.
Hamsata Mazou 11:58
And it was something that at least when I was talking to my therapist, she was like, but usually your love language is usually what you got the most are the least in your childhood.
Alexis Grant 12:08
That makes sense.
Hamsata Mazou 12:09
Because that you know that because it's like I think you were longing for that you never got or didn't that you constantly got you're like, yes, this this is like what makes me happy.
Alexis Grant 12:16
Yeah, to like, make it weird but like, I know, that's the same thing for kinks. Like a lot of people's kinks have to do like something they got a lot of as a child or something. They've been deprived. That's why like, you hear a lot of sexual kinks. Like that's why a lot of people's like, make those jokes about like, Oh, Daddy issue girls are freaky and stuff.
Jeanine Ikekhua 12:33
Oh like dominant submissive.
Alexis Grant 12:35
Yeah, like stuff like that. Or like, Mommy, Daddy play boy girl- Like stuff like that.
Jeanine Ikekhua 12:41
Mommy daddy? Oh moving on.
Hamsata Mazou 12:42
Okay, what's you guys's?
Alexis Grant 12:46
Oh, my number one is physical touch.
Jeanine Ikekhua 12:48
Alexis Grant 12:50
That's how I feel loved. That's how I give love. More so in a romantic situation, but like, even if I start feeling very comfortable with you, or I'm very appreciative you like, I won't, like just touching weird, okay, like little things. Like if we're all standing around, I might just put my head on your shoulder. Like that's something I do a lot when I'm like very appreciative of somebody I'm around. But physical touches Top, Words of affirmation is my least.
Jeanine Ikekhua 13:14
I hate it.
Alexis Grant 13:14
I don't like it. I don't like giving it receiving. It's kind of scary. Throw up right now.
Jeanine Ikekhua 13:19
I hate it...
Hamsata Mazou 13:20
Alexis Grant 13:21
No, no. Hey, yeah. And then my other big one is probably I don't know, it fluctuates between quality time and the the one where it's like.
Alexis Grant 13:32
Acts of service?
Alexis Grant 13:33
Not- Acts of Service. Yeah. Yeah. Look mine up, acts of services is very.
Jeanine Ikekhua 13:40
There's five of them, I believe.
Alexis Grant 13:41
Yeah, there's five. Yeah, what's yours?
Jeanine Ikekhua 13:43
Here's the thing, right? Like, I don't know, because I took the test and I said physical touch. But the problem is like, I touch you-
Alexis Grant 13:53
But you don't want to be touch?
Jeanine Ikekhua 13:54
I don't wanna be touched. Don't touch me.
Alexis Grant 13:56
So that's how you show your affection? So how do you receive like, how do you like to receive it?
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:00
I don't think I know how to receive love. I got really deep but like I really don't think so. Because like, all my love languages, like I've always said My Love Languages like you accepting what I give you.
Alexis Grant 14:10
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:11
I don't like being touched. I do not like acts of service Don't be doing stuff for me like that. And I really I really-
Alexis Grant 14:16
Not at all? Not even like no-
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:18
I think it's nice but like, I'm fine without it. I don't like words of affirmation. Like if you tell me you love me, I'm gonna punch your face because-
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:24
No- dap me up bruh. Cuz that's insane, why you talking to me like that talking out your neck that's crazy!
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:31
I really do hate it. Quality time- I like to be alone y'all know that? It's so bad.
Alexis Grant 14:37
No like y'all Jeanine won't let us come over.
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:39
No, y'all can come over, but like for five minutes.
Hamsata Mazou 14:43
At that point, we should just stay at the curb.
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:47
But yeah, I just think I like I like I feel very loved when people accept it, I give them so it's like I touch you and I put my head on your shoulder. If you brush me off, I'm gonna take it to heart.
Alexis Grant 15:00
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:01
I'm gonna take it to her. I'm glad you don't like me, but if you accept I'm like, Oh, she likes me. Just like letting me do something like that makes me happy.
Hamsata Mazou 15:09
Like you was-
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:09
Hamsata has like the cutest little arm, it's just so swishy like, it's like she lets me touching. I just be like, I know it's uncomfortable for her, but the fact that she's letting me like it makes me feel loved. Yeah, okay.
Hamsata Mazou 15:25
I do it to my mom. My mom, my mom explained to me-
Alexis Grant 15:31
So you like Hamsata's arm?
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:34
Yeah is just so small and little like she- She's so cute. She's just so adorable.
Hamsata Mazou 15:38
Because my mom said in our culture like that's like a good thing. That's like something they hold a big significance.
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:43
Hamsata Mazou 15:44
Like having like that arm stuff.
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:45
Hamsata Mazou 15:46
Yeah it means something I forget. I think because you know in black culture usually it's like you can cook if you have like angel wings. For us, not necessarily cooking. I forget what it like signified, but it has a significance like-
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:58
I feel like birth, because I know in like some cultures if you're more- if you're bigger you're seen as like more able to bear children.
Alexis Grant 16:06
Well, I know that's a primal thing to like, wider hips. Yeah, like what else? Yeah, wider hips it's like more fertile or whatever, better mates. Okay, how would you guys distinguish the difference between a romantic love and a platonic love?
Jeanine Ikekhua 16:20
I don't think I've ever had a platonic- wait no friendship. Like a guy and a girl. I've never had guy friends like that.
Alexis Grant 16:30
But just friends in general. Like, what? Like, what is that? Because it feels different.
Jeanine Ikekhua 16:34
It really does.
Alexis Grant 16:35
But like, what is that separation? Like? Because it's not just physical, like I know as much as physical thing. But like, it's something else.
Jeanine Ikekhua 16:43
For me. I feel like like, there's I feel like everybody is on a different level. Like, I don't treat everybody the same. I feel like there's your I feel like it starts off. It's like nobody at the bottom.
Alexis Grant 16:53
Jeanine Ikekhua 16:54
And then I feel like in the middle, it's friends, and then a bit higher as romantic partners. And then on top of all of that is my family because I'm gonna pick my family over my man. I guess my man should be my family at some point- disregard that. But yeah, and then romantic on top of that. I feel like for me, I am not emotionally vulnerable with people. But with my man, I will be emotionally vulnerable with that I'm not I feel like my friends. They know me but they don't know like my deep struggles. But I feel like my man would and like he would also know the day to day stuff. I feel like my man will be more involved. I feel like, my man will be more more involved in like the day to day seven. He'll know like the deeper stuff. Like probably all my deepest, darkest secrets.
Alexis Grant 17:48
Yeah, like opening them up. That's what I like. But I have some friends who are like this, but they're like, in my universe. Like I feel like they really can see how I'm seeing the world.
Jeanine Ikekhua 17:57
Oh, that's kind of deep...No I agree. I find everyone has their little like, little universe and you let people on it.
Alexis Grant 18:04
Jeanine Ikekhua 18:05
I feel like my man probably has a room in my universe if I had to be honest. Like he can like sit there for a good couple hours with me. Versus like, my friends come and go. They don't have rooms.
Alexis Grant 18:15
Jeanine Ikekhua 18:17
My family, they just they go anywhere in the Universe. Like they have free roam free. Anywhere.
Alexis Grant 18:22
Yeah. But I see as like, because I feel like the closer I am to somebody, which is why I feel like it's left of a timespan of like if we're close or not more of a connection. Because if I feel like you can see not that you see the world the same as me. But if you can see how I'm seeing the world, that is what I define as us being close.
Jeanine Ikekhua 18:41
I agree. Essentially, I've never thought of it like that. But that makes a lot of sense.
Alexis Grant 18:45
Yeah. So like when it comes to like my really close friends our world's overlap, because we're so close that we started seeing things certain the same like we started, like, connecting on that was a call of extra terrestrial...
Jeanine Ikekhua 18:57
Like, spiritual level?
Alexis Grant 18:59
Not spirit- Yeah, like, what's it like metaphysical like almost like a metaphysical connection. And like, I feel like that's something big when it comes to my romantic partner. Like, I don't need that out of a friend. But that's something I need out of a partner like I need them to be able to access my universe. I just need that to be shared.
Jeanine Ikekhua 19:16
That's so deep and then the fact that like, they gotta get to know you physically. Oh, don't touch me. I hate it so much. I think that just happens a lot and then like, physically, like you want to touch like, What is wrong with you get off of me. I'm like, such an anti like, Don't touch me. But Hamsata, what about you?
Hamsata Mazou 19:32
What was the question? Um? No, cuz I feel like you guys kind of drifted.
Jeanine Ikekhua 19:36
We did it.
Alexis Grant 19:37
I was trying to explain like, that's something like that universe connection, something I need out of romantic partner, which might be one of the things it differs it from a platonic love versus a romantic love.
Jeanine Ikekhua 19:48
Like, what's the difference between like, romantic and yeah, like our friendship and like you and your man?
Hamsata Mazou 19:54
I guess because I don't really like pursue relationships like that with you. You don't really have like a definition for that, so I gotta explore for sure. Because usually if I do like somebody within a week or so they do something that I'm like, I don't like, you no more. Sometimes, or sometimes I still like people, but it's kind of like we've drifted apart like, we don't see each other as consistently anymore.
Alexis Grant 20:22
Do you get tired of people fast?
Hamsata Mazou 20:23
To some...Not really, actually, it's just more so like, I don't know, I feel like sometimes guys can just do like, weird things and stuff. Yeah, and it's just like, I don't if you- this is how you act, I wouldn't want you in my life. I'm typing, you know what I mean. And it's usually done with their friends...
Jeanine Ikekhua 20:45
And get by their friends...
Alexis Grant 20:46
No one of the most attractive qualities is to see a man like act the same around his friends.
Hamsata Mazou 20:51
That's what I feel like it's them in their natural space. So I don't want them to like change while they're with me.
Alexis Grant 20:57
I like a little change, like I like to get something special no one else is.
Hamsata Mazou 21:00
I mean, yeah, I want them to like, I mean, like, kind of be for me.
Alexis Grant 21:04
The same personality.
Hamsata Mazou 21:05
Yeah, like your core view. You know, like that's really exploited through your friends and I anybody in general, when you're with your friends, you kind of be like, Oh, this is the type of person they are. Because the same birds what is it- same birds with the same feathers flock together?
Jeanine Ikekhua 21:18
Hamsata Mazou 21:19
So that's like that for me. And like, platonic friendships. I don't know, I make friends quite easily.
Alexis Grant 21:28
But not not just friendships. It's like love.
Alexis Grant 21:31
Oh I'm getting to that.
Jeanine Ikekhua 21:34
Oh, my bad my bad.
Hamsata Mazou 21:36
Because I make friends so easily. And I have short term relations with friends. Because I moved so frequently. It's like, I don't think I've gotten to like that love stance with somebody, I feel like the only person who probably be my cousin, because we grew up together, no matter how far the distance we always like, communicate it to some degree. And that for me is just like me knowing that she always has my back. She understands me like, we can relate to like-
Alexis Grant 22:03
She's in your universe.
Hamsata Mazou 22:04
Yeah, past experiences and stuff. Like she's somebody who I know knows me through and through. Sometimes I feel like I don't truly know myself to a degree, you know, because once you have like, these habits, or stuff that you do that you don't really recognize until somebody points it out.
Alexis Grant 22:16
Oh, she's the person that points it out?
Hamsata Mazou 22:17
Yeah somebody knows, like, the back of my hand type thing. You know?
Jeanine Ikekhua 22:21
Aw that's cute.
Hamsata Mazou 22:21
Yeah, and then like, all my other friends. I feel like they know aspects of me. I don't feel like nobody like truly knows me. Because I feel like we don't know.
Alexis Grant 22:28
Yeah. Because like who is?
Jeanine Ikekhua 22:31
I feel like we all don't know each other.
Hamsata Mazou 22:32
No, not fully. We just know the current us but we don't know, the past us or like, what shaped us to the person we are today. Because somebody who knew me five years ago might know completely different me. It may be like, Oh, these are things that are categorized as me versus Yeah, now you know, for sure. So that's why I feel like a platonic love couldn't really develop for me, because I haven't been with somebody for that long enough. I feel like it's really the time aspect for me for me.
Hamsata Mazou 22:33
I understand that because like, I changed schools a lot I had that problem.
Hamsata Mazou 22:45
Yeah I can feel like I have like a deep likeness for somebody be like, Oh, we're like, so similar stuff, or whatever. But I feel like it's also like those hard times, whatever. Like all the friendships I'm making now like college...
Jeanine Ikekhua 23:11
Yeah. I agree I have conversations with my brother because he called me and he was like, my, my guy friend was with me. And he was really just like, actual guy friend, like, how do you be making friends in America? And I was just like, What do you mean? And he's like, I have such a hard time like making friends in America. And me and my other friends that I met. We're all immigrants. Like, we talked about this. No shade to people in America that I've met. But I'm so sorry but some of y'all are so fake. Like, I feel like people don't know how to develop like actual friendships.
Hamsata Mazou 23:46
It's like a facade.
Jeanine Ikekhua 23:48
Yes. Like, for me, I'm so invested in my friends. Like if you call any one of my friends right now, like who are truly my friends. And I don't count people at NC State just yet. And the reason being is because like we haven't had time together, like we don't we haven't had time to cultivate something yet.
Hamsata Mazou 24:08
I respect it. Because once that title is given to you, it has meaning so much more.
Jeanine Ikekhua 24:13
I ride or die for my friends. I put my life on the line. I put my life and like anytime.
Hamsata Mazou 24:18
I feel like "friend" is used quite loosely.
Alexis Grant 24:20
Oh yes for sure. Yeah, I say I'm cool with a lot of people.
Hamsata Mazou 24:23
Yeah and I'll bet like acquaintance I know of them and stuff. And sometimes I'll use the word friend and I backtracked from it so quickly, because I feel like I've been conditioned to use everybody like as a friend. Yeah. But like, Are you really my friend? Like? I just like like know them, you know?
Alexis Grant 24:37
Like I would say I have a lot of friends. And I know like, Y'all be thinking I'm friends with everybody Loki Yeah, but I'm not I'm just cool with like, hella people.
Jeanine Ikekhua 24:46
I don't even do that. I was talking to my friend and I was like, I don't do small talk with people no more. Like I'm so far beyond that. I don't engage like I dont sit there.
Hamsata Mazou 24:56
Having like deep like friendship simulation So for me, like if I've talked to you before, to me my head, it's like, oh, we're working towards a friendship, but I realized quite quickly at least being on campus like, yeah, that's not like-
Jeanine Ikekhua 25:08
No people have deep conversations and walk away. I'd be like, yeah good for you.
Alexis Grant 25:14
Yeah, there's definitely, I don't know.
Hamsata Mazou 25:16
They pretend they don't know, you know, more. And I'm like, Whoa.
Alexis Grant 25:19
That'd be weird bruh running into people that I used to be cool with. And I'm like, I don't know if I'm supposed to say hi to you. Because you kind of start saying hi to me.
Jeanine Ikekhua 25:25
I can't even do all that, I feel like all my friend now. I can say that my circle is so small, because like, I don't do any of that. Like if I if I feel like you're gonna switch up I feel like we're not close enough. I'm not even gonna claim you period. Like, you're not gonna get a hi or a hey, yeah, I don't play like that. I don't know. I just think like, I'm so used to having like, deep connections, like, my friends are so sweet. Like, yesterday was my birthday. And all of my friends literally called me twice, or like more than two times in the day to check on me and make sure I was having a good birthday. Like, those are my type of friends like people who like literally will be up with me. I was on the phone to my friends for like, three hours yesterday. Why? Because my birthday was not going so well for like an hour and they lose it on the phone. Like, we pop champagne. Like no, I'm saying like, not champagne sorry it was like, sparkling fake wine. But like, like those type of friends. Like I'm not gonna make like, first of all, I thought that I would make friends by people that I like have classes with. Gonna be like two weeks. And we done.
Alexis Grant 26:26
Oh actually, I've made one good friend from a class. And it was like lowkey accident. Because it's my friend Ali. I invited them to the little back to the jam thing-
Hamsata Mazou 26:37
Back to school jam?
Alexis Grant 26:38
Yeah. And then I didn't see them after that, honestly, for a while. And then my friend Christine hung out with them. And then I saw them. I was like, Oh my gosh, Ali now, me and Ali tight!
Jeanine Ikekhua 26:51
Is that the same Ali? Ali my class?
Alexis Grant 26:53
Hamsata Mazou 26:53
Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say I also made a friendship. It was actually quite funny. I saw them just walking. Because usually, okay, it was our English class first semester of like, freshman year, right. So basically, last semester, and I knew one person, our class because we were from the same hometown, and we work together at the same place. So he was a person, I'd always walk like from class with. And then like, he kind of had a drift off because he lived up the apartments like Wolf village or whatever. But I lived on campus. So like, he would go his way. I'd be my way. So these two girls from my class, and I was like the look like people that I could potentially talk to, because I like just going up talking to people, never talking to them again, like doing that, because I'm still having, just like the fun of it. But like, these people look approachable, like, Hey, can I walk with you guys? And be like, yeah, and after that we like started walking each other. So it was like a routine. And then after that, we started planning, eating lunch together, and then like from that we started hanging out.
Alexis Grant 27:45
Are those the people you eat lunch with?
Jeanine Ikekhua 27:48
The two girls?
Alexis Grant 27:50
There's like a lot.
Hamsata Mazou 27:53
There's four of us.
Jeanine Ikekhua 27:53
What's the one where like, I facetimed you and you were like out in like this, like garden type thing with them?
Hamsata Mazou 27:59
I be with a lot of people I'm not gonna lie to you. But that friendship was cultivated through a class and we're pretty close. I mean, the relationship-
Alexis Grant 28:10
I feel like you got to work harder for class ones...
Jeanine Ikekhua 28:12
I do have one. I definitely did come on this mic and cap I definitely do have one. I have Jordan, but like, even like that, like I rarely see Jordan and we just mostly FaceTime because it's so hard to meet people. Going back to you like it's hard to cultivate that speak on that Alexis.
Alexis Grant 28:27
It's just especially- making time. Yeah, I'm a busy person and I already am. Yeah, I'm a busy person. And I do have a lot of friends. I feel like maybe compared to a lot of people.
Jeanine Ikekhua 28:38
Yeah Lexi never alone! Nah I'm gonna say it on radio. I was talking to Hamsata, because we were talking about friendships, and I was just like, what's it called? Yeah, I was like, There's levels to friendships when I'm like, I can never get Lexi alone just to speak with her because she always with somebody always with somebody I have alone time with Hamsata, so I've gotten to know her. But you? Every day, it'd be somebody be two people, three people four people. It'd be a lot people.
Alexis Grant 29:06
I'm sorry Lexi... this is an attack.
Jeanine Ikekhua 29:08
Oh, be alone! Let it be with you! Nah I'm playing.
Alexis Grant 29:10
Y'all just gotta tell me ahead of time. Like that's the thing. Because I feel like when you're hanging out, it'd be a little more spur of the moment.
Hamsata Mazou 29:19
I am a spur of a moment person like I like- everything in my life is spur of the moment like meeting with my friends outside of like the planned lunch. Like that day that me and Tati, like me and you spurr of the moment. I went out to dinner, right after the cookout spur the moment like we went on this drive trying to go to like other universities.
Alexis Grant 29:41
I've done spur the moment stuff but it's with the people I'm currently like, sitting with, you know what I mean? I make so since I'm already with people, I just spurr of the moment stuff with the people I'm with, but like, I don't run it. I run into you sometimes. I don't run into you Jeanine.
Jeanine Ikekhua 29:54
Yeah, run in to you. But the thing is, like I always make sure because like I'm trying to, I don't want y'all to be a one time friend like that's- boo boo tomato tomato.
Alexis Grant 30:03
Jeanine Ikekhua 30:04
It's just so like, I just like that so fake and I'm like, I'll try to include you on my schedule like if I couldn't Witherspoon, Lexi, Hamsata where y'all at?
Hamsata Mazou 30:11
I noticed that you do that. And I love that I do. I like when people reach out, and like, try to like, plan something. Because to me that means like, you want to make space for me during your day at a specific time. And that means like so much to me.
Jeanine Ikekhua 30:24
Oh, yeah girl I be calling you- you never pick up! I literally call her. No, you can't even... am I lying?
Hamsata Mazou 30:35
I don't think it's the degree putting out there.
Alexis Grant 30:37
Jeanine is very angry at me...
Hamsata Mazou 30:38
But like sometimes...
Jeanine Ikekhua 30:40
Boo boo tomato tomato! Nah I'm playing.
Hamsata Mazou 30:42
But like I felt Lexi usually texts why she can't pick up.
Jeanine Ikekhua 30:45
I think that's where we like, because I'm a caller. If I see a text, I'm not gonna respond.
Hamsata Mazou 30:50
Yes, she definitely texts. She'll be like, I'm definitely a caller to like one of my friends...
Jeanine Ikekhua 30:54
Maybe that's why...
Hamsata Mazou 30:55
I love like long FaceTime calls.
Alexis Grant 30:57
I like calls too it's just like, if I'm busy, I'm going to text you that I'm busy.
Jeanine Ikekhua 31:02
Really? I just wont to respond and then wait and call you.
Hamsata Mazou 31:04
I'll pick up the FaceTime call and like, I'm busy bye or like...
Alexis Grant 31:08
I'll do that. But sometimes I know I'm in an environment you're not gonna hear me because you don't- That's what, Hamsata might pick up the phone but she's not listening to you all the time.
Hamsata Mazou 31:17
It's true. I'll pick up regardless I'll be like oh my friend's calling me, pick up and something's happening background like okay, and then you're like "Hamsata..."
Alexis Grant 31:25
Yes, we forget me on the phone. But anyways, big question...
Jeanine Ikekhua 31:29
Alexis Grant 31:30
Do you believe in the one? Or do you believe in soul ties?
Hamsata Mazou 31:35
What is a soul tie?
Jeanine Ikekhua 31:36
What's the difference? Because listed the same thing.
Alexis Grant 31:38
Okay, so the one is like, that's, I'm thinking more like the cliche. Like there's one person out there for you like the love of your life type beat. Do you believe in the love of your life kind of thing. And then soul ties an inexplicable powerful emotional bond to another person. So I think that's like the sharing universes thing.
Jeanine Ikekhua 31:56
I feel like you can have soul ties with friends that I have. Yeah, my Yeah, y'all. Y'all my soulmates.
Alexis Grant 32:01
Yeah no cap. But do you believe in the one though?
Jeanine Ikekhua 32:04
I don't know. Because like, I, here's the thing. You know, those like couples, I guess he doesn't like they're madly in love and then one dies and then like, somehow they find another one?
Alexis Grant 32:13
Jeanine Ikekhua 32:14
You know what I'm saying like, I don't know. I don't know. Because like, I want to say, I want to say that we all have the one. But at the same time, I feel like, like, how do I explain to people who have multiple loves of their lives? I don't know.
Hamsata Mazou 32:29
So like, yeah, me at least like my grandfather's on both sides, they have like multiple wives. I have no clue if they love them or not, what was the reasoning for it. But I feel like that's something common and like lots of people's cultures, at least, like back in the day and I feel like there had to be some type of love. I feel like the sunset and tradition love...
Alexis Grant 32:49
You can love someone but like, do you believe in like, THE one though. Because here's the thing, it doesn't mean you get with the one.
Jeanine Ikekhua 32:56
Oh I agree.
Alexis Grant 32:57
It just means Do you believe that there is the one out there?
Jeanine Ikekhua 33:00
I believe that every single person has somebody for them. I do not believe that God put any human being on this earth to be alone. I think it takes time to find the one and like some people, which is so sad. But I think there are people that like you're just destined to not find the one on this earth, or you're just not destined to be with them because God has. God has designed your life where like, other things are a priority for you. And like, I'm Mormon so we believe in like, you can you can find the one after like you die in like the spirit world and like you meet there- that's what I heavily believe that every single person has somebody for them every single person has a lover waiting for them. I just cannot- I don't know whether you meet them here or in heaven...
Alexis Grant 33:42
Wow, I've never heard about that. Finding your one afterwards.
Hamsata Mazou 33:47
Because I always thought it was like whoever you found here, is who you're going to be with up there. Or like, in the afterlife?
Jeanine Ikekhua 33:54
That's what scares me because I sometimes I'm like, what if I think I found the one and then I get up to heaven and God is like who that? And I'm like my husband and he's like, No, your husband over there... And I'm like, oh, like with the kids in the family? Like? How do we do this now...
Alexis Grant 34:06
I mean, if heavens like full blissfulness like it shouldn't be a problem. It just kind of makes sense. I don't think it can be any bad vibes out there.
Jeanine Ikekhua 34:15
Alexis Grant 34:16
In my head. I feel like there's the one but it's like more like you make them the one because it's like back to that.
Jeanine Ikekhua 34:22
Oh my god. No, that sounds so- No, explain because now I'm gonna trick myself. No, go ahead.
Alexis Grant 34:29
I feel like you make them the one and it's the same thing of like, you choosing like love is a choice. Like you have to choose them. I feel it's like you make that person the one by choosing them repeatedly. Over and over over and over. And that makes them the one.
Hamsata Mazou 34:46
I agree with that. Because I'm just thinking about like, this is couple I watch, and I feel like that really like is what the relationship was. Like their love is like really beautiful and it's like a strong connection but because they kept on choosing each other every time and like being each other through like thick and thin-
Jeanine Ikekhua 35:05
It got stronger.
Hamsata Mazou 35:07
Yeah. Like those words made me think of them. And then because of that, I feel like yeah, I like that definition.
Alexis Grant 35:14
Okay, let's do one more big question and a little small quick question. Do you believe a black on black love, there's something different about it versus Interracial Love?
Hamsata Mazou 35:26
I do believe so.
Alexis Grant 35:27
Hamsata Mazou 35:28
I think I because black love- has so much like history behind it, you know. So something about like a black couple being together, being happy. And being able to like progress through society is just something that I feel like it's so beautiful. And interracial couples, I mean, are beautiful as well, you know, but I feel like, sometimes they can just be seen, just like, you know, they're cute there a couple, but something about black love, to me, just seems so much more powerful. In that connection.
Jeanine Ikekhua 35:59
I think it's two things. I think the first one is like the historical context of like, literally, like black families were targeted, and like the US government, specifically tried to tear black families apart. And I feel like the fact that black couples are still able to exist to me, it's beautiful. And the fact the second thing is like, when you have somebody who- and this is for any couple, like a white on white couple a black on black couples like for like any type of couple, when you have somebody who can understand your struggles without you having to express them.
Alexis Grant 36:28
Yeah that's a big thing.
Jeanine Ikekhua 36:29
Yeah, like that is such a big thing. I think that's why like, I don't think I could ever marry somebody out of my race. And like, I don't think I'd ever marry somebody that's not Nigerian. My country and me being black is so intertwined with who I am, that I would need somebody who understands that and sometimes I don't want to vocalize that, like I know. Like you have to get and if you don't get it, yeah, like our love is not going to be that strong. Like we should have like this, like, understood but not expressed bond, if that makes sense.
Alexis Grant 36:59
That makes sense. I feel like for me, y'all thought about it more. I feel like deep like, well, I'm not gonna say it's like it's not that deep. But for me, it's very deep. I'm somebody who really like romanticizes my life, so I'm very big on not like aesthetic Pinterest aesthetic, but like, the aesthetic of like, the dynamic and stuff like that. Like I just like, I want my life to feel as much as like a dream as possible. So I feel like the aesthetic that black on black love gives just amplifies all my emotions.
Jeanine Ikekhua 37:31
You know, Lexi's instagram she posted those pictures with the black couple- it was like the girl and like she's holding the back of his neck and she has like all the gold rings on. I want that. Like I want to I want to be in the mirror taking a picture on Facebook- rings on me I want that. No, I agree.
Alexis Grant 37:49
Like, I don't know something about the aesthetic like I- not I don't know how to say it in a non cliche way like, but I want to live my life in the sense of it feels like a dream. Like I just because I'm somebody who's very in my head, like not overthinking in my head. But like daydreaming like I'm just very like outside of this world a lot of the times, and I feel like that black on black love gives that aesthetic outside of the world.
Jeanine Ikekhua 38:12
I can't do something like I don't know how to explain, but like, nah that's gonna sound so bad. When I see a black couple, versus like when I see any other couple and I think it has to do the fact that I'm black.
Alexis Grant 38:24
Yeah, for sure.
Jeanine Ikekhua 38:25
Like, I see a black couple I'm like, yes! The other couples I'm like have fun- y'all stay safe!
Alexis Grant 38:33
I think it- it has to do with because I feel like if I was like another ethnicity, like if I was like Hispanic, like Middle Eastern, I would appreciate that dynamic more than any other.
Hamsata Mazou 38:43
It's because you're tied to that culture is because you know the history because you're literally like, part of it's like your ancestry and stuff.
Alexis Grant 38:50
And then last little thing. I watched this video, and I don't know if y'all saw I posted about it. But it's basically this video in two strangers went on a blind date, but they were stuck in a small box for 12 hours. Yes. Would y'all ever do that?
Jeanine Ikekhua 39:05
Yes. I'm very aventoruous when it comes to that.
Alexis Grant 39:08
I want to do so bad.
Hamsata Mazou 39:09
In a small box?
Alexis Grant 39:10
Yeah, like it's like the room we're in like a fourth. Like they were literally like crammed. They couldn't stand up like they're just sitting down the whole time, 12 hours together.
Hamsata Mazou 39:18
I just can't do small spaces.
Alexis Grant 39:21
Okay, if I said they were in a box, but it's open. It's an open face box. It's not like there.
Hamsata Mazou 39:25
Oh, okay, that okay, if it's just to be one on one with somebody, you can definitely do it. I feel like I do it a lot. I like just knowing people and meeting them, and just kind of getting into like.
Jeanine Ikekhua 39:35
Alexis Grant 39:36
I'm like fast. Like I'm ready to open up like immediately
Hamsata Mazou 39:39
I feel like it depends cuz my comfort level with somebody you know, like, if I feel...
Alexis Grant 39:44
I'll try to force the comfort.
Hamsata Mazou 39:45
I don't do that.
Jeanine Ikekhua 39:46
I don't force it like
Hamsata Mazou 39:48
Because it feels awkward to me if I force it.
Jeanine Ikekhua 39:50
No, we had that conversation with it was shoutout to Adrian, we had a conversation with Adrian and like, it was like, am I saying his name right? Yeah. Adrian Yeah, don't wanna butch somebody's name.
Hamsata Mazou 40:00
No yeah I just said it again I was like trying to connect the dots of who.
Jeanine Ikekhua 40:04
Oh yeah, remember we had that conversation in the AACC and like it was just like, we talked about, like very deep stuff.
Hamsata Mazou 40:09
Jeanine Ikekhua 40:10
And like it was comfortable for me. Like I'm so used to doing that with people. I feel like the bonds and the vulnerability that two strangers can have with each other.
Alexis Grant 40:18
It's it's unmatched. It's just crazy.
Jeanine Ikekhua 40:20
You say what you want and then boom, I'm not gonna see you again.
Alexis Grant 40:23
You see Adrian again?
Jeanine Ikekhua 40:25
It wasn't too deep for me to want to avoid. Me and like we're probably never going to speak about like, what we talked about that ever again. We're probably not but we understand. Yeah, I like that.
Hamsata Mazou 40:37
It allowed us to like know each other. And like a deeper plane. And I think because of how comfortable you were because I'm closer to you allowed- becuase I'm someehat comfortable with you? Like we're in my room and stuff? Because I will say, I was slightly uncomfortable.
Jeanine Ikekhua 40:56
For me, I'm so chill, like-
Alexis Grant 40:59
I'm very open.
Hamsata Mazou 41:00
But like through the conversation and like, I mean, just like the room and stuff. It just felt very comfortable so that I kind of like, got more and more comfortable. Just a little bit.
Alexis Grant 41:10
Yeah but yeah, that's it for the podcast today on love. Shout out to our Instagram if you aren't following it. On Instagram, you want to shout it out?
Hamsata Mazou 41:21
On Black dot podcast on Instagram. Please!
Alexis Grant 41:25
Tell them again. I don't think they heard it the first time
Hamsata Mazou 41:28
Alexis Grant 41:29
Hamsata Mazou 41:30
Alexis Grant 41:31
Hamsata Mazou 41:32
Jeanine Ikekhua 41:33
Alexis Grant 41:34
Jeanine Ikekhua 41:35
Okay. Oh, don't do no the "Okay" just on black dot podcast.
Hamsata Mazou 41:39
Yeah, okay was just like you heard me right.
Alexis Grant 41:43
You heard us, but we'll catch y'all for the next episode. Thanks for sitting here with us and listening.
Hamsata Mazou 41:48
Yeah, let us know what you think.
Jeanine Ikekhua 41:50
Hamsata Mazou 41:51
If you have ideas for us collaborations, we open to them.
Alexis Grant 41:58
Transcribed by https://otter.ai