On Black.

Alexis Grant 00:00
Hi, I'm Lexi.

Hamsata Mazou 00:01
I'm Hamsata.

Jeanine Ikekhua 00:02
And I'm Jeanine.

Alexis Grant 00:03
And you're listening to WKNC 8.1 FM HD-1 radio. Thanks for listening Okay, we're back. And go listen to the last episode because Hamsata is about to tell us a great little story, aren't you? Okay miss manipulator.

Hamsata Mazou 00:37
I wouldn't say I'm a manipulator. Too, oh yeah. Where I stopped off. Oh, yes, I was in middle school, and my house parent had to sit me down and tell me I'm a manipulator. And honestly, at that time, I was still confused on what she was telling me that she had to read me the definition she literally googled it on her computer, showed it to me, and was like, this is what a manipulator is. I'm like, okay, girl, I can't see how that connects to me, and I keep it pushing. And for some reason, I always get in trouble back then, like, I wouldn't say I'm a troublesome person. And I wouldn't say I do anything much that would get me in trouble. But for some reason, in the home, I was always getting in trouble. Like at school when I told my teachers that they'd be like, at that same institution. They'd be like, I don't get that like I don't I don't get it either. Lowkey I feel like she had a vendetta against me. Because yeah, and she had told me this multiple times, but I don't really know how I was manipulative. Now one time did I lie to her by accident? Yes, but I didn't know it was a lie. Okay, let me tell you the situation. So boom, me and the girls we put soap water in a water bottle to clean the floors in the house. And that was what we considered mopping with a little rag cleanup the spots. Boom, you put soap and water on the floor isn't that a mob? So that's what I told her. She said you mopped the floors I said yeah. Then they go check the floors, and their like "you didn't mop" and I was like, "yeah I did" and they were like "no". And they said to give me a whole sit down about how I'm a lying manipulator.

Jeanine Ikekhua 01:58
Okay, that's not manipulating or lying. Um, I think she just had issues and she was taking them out on you because you definitely, that's mopping and she just didn't specify she wanted an actual mop with actual spinning thing she ain't specified.

Alexis Grant 02:09
But to her defense. She didn't know what Hamsata did. All she knows is that the floors weren't mopped and Hamsata's over here saying

Jeanine Ikekhua 02:16
But did she asked, okay, well, if you said you bought them that how did you mop them? I don't recall those details. Okay, so those details aren't important. I can't say nothing. I can be on, I'm gonna chose your side of course. I can't say nothing up until you now

Hamsata Mazou 02:28
Anyways, if y'all can't tell we're talking about manipulation. Manipulators.

Alexis Grant 02:33
Bro my mind is mush. What do you mean? Like there's some things. Okay, good example: the way I will never get a septum piercing just because of the way my parents have conditioned me from birth to think that that is a cow piercing.

Jeanine Ikekhua 02:33
If your mom manipulates you. Do ya'll ever? You know what? What? I have a question. Okay. I was talking about this the other day with... Brian. I don't know I stuttered I'm sorry. Cause you try to figure out if you were gonna say the name or not. My man's. That's crazy. Okay. But yeah, I was talking about this the other day with Brian and it dawned on me. I love parents, like I love my mommy love my daddy. Great people. But I feel like sometimes parents be the worst. Like they'd be the best manipulators. Like, I just feel like especially like immigrant parents.

Hamsata Mazou 03:28
I had this conversation with my family recently it was a whole thing like apparently nama disrespectful.

Jeanine Ikekhua 03:38
Do you see what I'm saying?

Hamsata Mazou 03:40
And like, okay, so there's like this new uncle that just recently came, like to the US in the house. And so he doesn't know me as a person. But because I was like one of his first things of seeing me in a situation. And that was considered culturally disrespectful for me saying I want to septum them piercing and me standing my ground on it. Like, yeah, he just knows me as a disrespectful child now, but like, same reasons of it just being like a culture thing. And just like it being representative of cow and that's like, culturally disrespectful and stuff. And I was like, oh, okay, but I like like, I want it and I think it looks nice on me and stuff. And that wasn't like, oh, you know, what's the twisted part? If The twisted part is, if I had gotten the septum piercing and I was married, they'd be okay with it, because that's a quote unquote, my husband's problem. But if I got it under my mom's house, that's like a bad thing. Because it's like, something she doesn't like, and therefore, it invalidates, like all of my feelings and thoughts about getting the piercing. And I'm just sitting here like, this is crazy. And then my cousin was like, yeah, this is why I just don't talk when we're in discussion with these people. Like, I don't voice my opinion, and one thing about me, I'm always gonna voice my opinion because I feel like, that's what I'm gonna do. Like, you need to understand where I'm coming from and I'm not gonna let you just think you're right, because you think you're right. Like, if I feel like you're wrong, we're gonna have a discussion about it. Obviously, I wasn't, at least I was intentionally trying to be overtly disrespectful and be like, no, you're wrong, like shut up or some like that. Like, it was very, very much like, I feel like this is fair and trying to voice my opinion and concern. But yeah

Jeanine Ikekhua 05:25
No, I definitely agree with like, the whole disrespect thing. I felt like, I feel like parents do it in such an interesting way. That I'm just I just don't want my mommy like they you really did that. You really got me with that one. Like I remember, my mom has like, changed. I've never told my mom this. But like, she has become such a better parent. It's no joke like, she has like the way she's evolved as a mother to who I know her now, so much. Like, I can call my mom and be like, hey, so I called the other day was like. Should I marry Brian? And she was looking at me like, I know you f-ing lying. But I'm like, I just want to joke around cool beans. But like, we were still in the space of like, oh, like just like joking around with like, just like serious things if that makes sense. And when I was younger, my Dad oh, evil laugh. Oh, that wasn't an evil laugh. That was just this is hilarious. My dad called me fat while like I was living with them. Now if you know, Nigerian African culture, immigrant parents grew up whatever culture, you know that they're very direct. Like, I get my directness from my mother like, oh, we're so direct with it. Me too. It's not even a joke. So when my father said I'm fat, he didn't mean it. Like the way people here be saying it like your fat that that's not what he meant. He just meant girl, you get in kind of big. You need to watch it. But he was like he said, I'm fat and my sister the day before we had a conversation of like, you need to stand up for yourself because they're going to express themselves, but you need to be able to express yourself too. So in my mind, I'm like, wait a minute, this man just called me fat. I feel offended. He could have said it in a nicer way. So I was like, I don't appreciate you. I said, I didn't say like this, because obviously I was like 12 at the time. But I was like, I don't like that you called me fat. Like that's not nice of you to say. And then he was like, you're talking to me, your dad like that? And I was like, no, it really pisses me off because I was just like, you called me fat. There's no if ands or buts about it. Either way, my mother was in the next room. She heard everything. And then she called me into the room. I was like, what did you just say to your dad, I was like, I told him to not call me fat that it was mean. And she was like, you can't talk like that to your dad. Like, that's your father. That's the man that. And it was just like, I feel like my mom when I was younger, tried to manipulate this idea. And I don't think she did on purpose. I think he's honestly just culture.

Hamsata Mazou 07:55
I was gonna say it's very cultural, it's like a cultural stigma. Like, just type of

Jeanine Ikekhua 08:00
Yeah, my mom used to be like, Oh, let me finish this one thing. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna finish this one. And I'm gonna go to the next one real quick. But yeah, with that, and she was like, Man of the House. And I'm just like, bro, what the heck, I think she's when she tried to manipulate me to think like, men are the head of the households. And then everybody else follows. And you have to respect them because they are head of the household. It didn't work because you know, I'm not picking up with that. But the other thing was, I feel like she was trying to manipulate me to like, I don't wanna say servitude, because that's such a strong word. But you know how, like, a lot of Nigerian or African parents have this idea of like, you like you go serve them the man their food. And like, yes, cater to them my mom would make my mom and my aunt, my mom, my mom's. Yeah, my mom and her friend would make me go to my dad, because our house was built in like two separate units. He had like a mini office in the other house, and he would go, she made me go there and ask him and his friends like what they wanted to eat, right? And bring food to them, and they don't bring food. And that always, always, always used to terrify me because number one, I'm walking into a room with like four or five men, and it's so terrified. I'm like, so scary. And I'm going by myself, like, I'm literally nine, like seven years old. I'm going there. And I'm remember my mom and my specifically my aunt, my mom was a little more quiet. My aunt was just like, why are you so nervous? Like, you don't have to be nervous about this. I don't know why she's so nervous, why she's nervous about going to cater to men, like it's not even that big of a deal. And I remember, they kind of made it seem like that's like our culture. Like, why are you so nervous about like, going to go, it's your dad going to go ask your dad for some food? Because like, that's culturally what you do, like you go ask, What do you want to eat? And then you bring it. And I just feel like that kind of manipulation of like, well, that's what you do. I just thought it was just so interesting, because I feel like there's so many little things that like, well, that's just how it is. That's just what it is. I feel like parents try to manipulate you

Alexis Grant 09:48
I don't, I don't have to not have to, but I don't have I don't experience it as severely one because my mom's like, even though she's Beijing, she grew up in Canada. She's the nicer version of an American, essentially. And then, like some of that I get from my dad, but he doesn't say this as much anymore because I found a good man. And like, Whatever, whatever. But like he used to be so worried about me and my sisters finding good man like to the point he would send like pod yes, podcasts videos. Yes, he would send me podcasts videos of like what men are looking for. And it was men that I wouldn't even want to be with, like the men that were talking in the pockets. I'm like, I would not want to be with a man like this. And I don't know why my dad would want me to be with a man like this. But in his head, there's like, barely any good men left. So it's like Brandi says I'd be in the house and I'd be like, I don't like cleaning. Like I'm not cleaning for no man gaga. And my dad's like, how do you expect to find a husband with this attitude, how to expect to find a husband, if you can't do this, how to expect to find a husband if you can't do that gaga. And it's so funny, because now I I appreciate the catering. Like as a woman, I appreciate catering to my man more now that I have, this is the first time I've had somebody where I've wanted to actually cater to them. So it doesn't bother me like it used to. And I actually feel good doing like going above and beyond doing like little things, but like the full on catering. But I used to look my dad dead in his face and just be like, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna marry a chef. And then I never have to do any of the cooking in the house. Because he don't he don't want me in the kitchen. Like I used to look at. I used to look him in his face and be so dead serious when I said that. I was like, I'm gonna just find a man who wants to do that. And my dad's like, okay, if I'm gonna do that, all this stuff. But I think a lot of times like that catering stuff is attached to your value as a wife. Mm hmm. And they're like, you can't be a good wife, if you can't cater

Jeanine Ikekhua 11:53
No, literally but I feel like, I hate that. Because I always feel like, if you love anyone, period, you're gonna go above and beyond regardless, like if you truly care for somebody, you're going to cater for them, like you're going to do things that you didn't think that you'd be doing, because you like that person. So I feel like the need to like, instill that. And when I just like it's so unnecessary. I just feel like, first of all, I think it should be instilled in everybody. Picking women is kind of crazy to me. Like it should be instilled in everybody that if you like somebody, you know, you do things that you want to make them feel good. And like you cater to them. I don't know why they include sexism.

Hamsata Mazou 12:27
Yeah, I was gonna say like one, I feel like they kind of view women especially in like, African or immigrant households of more of just like, people that cater to men, like our value is derived on how we can cater to your husbands and stuff like that. Like I was talking to my mom the other day. And then she was like, Yeah, as long as I know, that I raised you, like correctly showed you the religion and stuff. And make sure you got like, what it is and stuff. I know that my purpose as a mother has been completed. Like that is what I see. Like, you guys are here for was to raise you guys, show you everything about the dean, and then marry you off and make sure you have a good like spouse and have a good life. Like that's really purely how she views it. And another thing I want to say is this, like how everything is just so rooted in tradition and culture. And I know for me, anytime I see tradition, I know me personally, I like to challenge it. And sometimes I don't even like to accept it, because of how degrading it can be sometimes its sometimes frustrating to hear how things that don't make sense, but because they are part of tradition, are highly valued and are still trying to be instilled when it doesn't make sense with like this modern scope and understanding about stuff. And I know, at least from my mother, she used modern things that just kind of like it's an American thing. And if we were back home, it'd be different, and how this country is changing me. And it's like, well, this is all I know. And this is all I've been like exposed to mostly. So how, why wouldn't I act like somebody who's from here? If I was like born and raised here, mostly, you know what I mean? And so it kind of becomes like a tricky battle, if you will, when it comes to like challenging these traditions because some of them are like, quite like personal or like vulnerable things to like families or they're just like so deeply rooted that they don't want this to like, go away. And it causes a lot of like tension, if you will.

Alexis Grant 14:35
Yeah I know like I've seen that firsthand with like my best friend and her family and especially the part where you said where they feel like America changes their offspring for the worse are like

Hamsata Mazou 14:51
Yes they have a saying in my language which is like quado woye easy, which means like this country's children and they love saying that phrase specifically I know for us in Zermatt, like legit like this country's kids. And it's in reference to like you just in reference to it Just like me, my siblings, anybody who was like born and raised here, like these countries kids, and like, how we're, like disrespectful or different, or how we don't value tradition and stuff. And it's not that I would like to like, learn about tradition and value it more. But oftentimes, it just seems like it's more of the more toxic sides or traditions that are trying to be enforced and established within the family. Rather than more of like, I don't know, like, for me, sometimes I just want to learn about like music and dance from my country, or like traditional clothing or like ceremonies and stuff, and not really like operation of a household and how I should cater to like a husband. You know what I mean? I feel like different parts of tradition are being emphasized, then I would like to be exposed to.

Jeanine Ikekhua 15:59
And that's a good point, when you were saying that, Oh, my mind was thinking of like, I'll say no to things when it comes to marriage. I said, I knew life was getting serious when my mom started, including like prayers and my birthdays, like started including marriage, my birthday prayers. I knew life was getting here. When I remember on my 20th birthday, she was like, and I hope she finds somebody good. I said. Mommy, what? And I asked, I was like, Why would you bring a marriage in the prayer? She's like, No, no, I just want like, in general, I said, Okay. suspicious, but the marriage thing pisses me off, especially with like, when you should get married, like, as a woman, my friends, they're like our age. Oh, because they don't want to have my sister, the other person like her friend. They have this mindset of like, oh, worst, like we need to get married have like at like 2020 something. I'm so sorry. But in this day and age in America, you want to get married at 24. When your careers not sets? You have nothing. No, no, no, no. There's a difference. Careers, not sets. But you don't have any motivation or anything of what you want to do next, your mind is I'm going to get married to a man. And then I'm gonna figure it out. That's crazy. Oh, yeah.

Hamsata Mazou 17:14
Or like some people just settle their lives? Yes. They're like marriage is kind of like the endpoint. And then like after that, their just kind of existing or whatever the husband kinda of wants or decides, and they're content with that.

Jeanine Ikekhua 17:26
But that is crazy to me. And oh, I don't know if its their content. Because that's what like they're being told yes. Yeah. Like that idea of being manipulating to be like your life. Like your biggest goal. Your biggest achievement will be finding that man and marrying that husband and then having kids. And then having kids. Yeah, my gosh,

Hamsata Mazou 17:45
yes, yes, yes. No, no. Oh, go ahead. Oh, I was gonna say like, recently, somebody in our family, like recently passed away. And my mom like, it definitely took a big toll on her for sure. It was kind of crazy. But with that, she was just like, Oh, like this person never got married. And this is why it's important to get married young. So when you like pass away, you have kids and stuff. And she's like, this is why I keep telling you guys like, guys gotta find a spouse. And she does have like that mentality of like, once you reach like, probably pass your like, younger 20s Like you're kind of expired as a woman that's like, you kinda old, you can't really be out here trying to get married, like, pass, you're in your 20s?

Jeanine Ikekhua 18:28
No its so I just think it's so crazy. Like, as a woman in this society, like, the fact that some women are. And they think that like they're living like, I don't want to, it's not my job to judge or it's not my place to judge because they can say the same thing about my lifestyle. Like, girl, you don't want to get married, you want to have that joy or whatever, whatever. Cool. So I'm not here to judge. But I just think personally, from my perspective, I just I kind of look at them. And I'm just like, I see your life because I know you and I know what you do. And I'm just like, you don't have any job that you want to achieve. You don't know where you're gonna go, you're just following like, the man, your boyfriend that you're gonna make your husband, you're just following him. Like, wherever he goes, I go, wherever, whatever he does. I do like, you're literally just one combined person. I literally have a friend who said, like, when we were on the phone, and my mom could hear her also because they were like semi talking to her. And she literally said she was like, Oh, my, they just got married at a very young age. She was like, Oh, my husband is gonna do school and pursue success. Well, he wants to do, so I'm just gonna go do school online so that I could be there for him. And she was like, yes. So that could be a friend or something along lines of like, oh, what's its called that I can so that he can go do what he wants to do? That's what she said. And I remember just being like, I give it 20 years, you're going to look back and you're going to be upset that you did not do something for yourself in the midst of that marriage in those early years. I just know You're going to be upset, because living your life for somebody else or living your life, in addition, like as an addition to another person's life is absolutely insane. And I hear it all the time from women like in my mom's generation who look back and are unhappy in their marriage. And I'm just like, what, what did y'all expect? You literally lived your life for your husband, or if their husband died, or like they don't know what to do, they have no idea, they have no identity, they have nothing like they don't know what to do without their husband, without their kids. And I'm just like, you really have to be an individual as a parent and instill that mindset in your kids. Because if your child is living their life, thinking that their attachment to somebody else, that's crazy, like, that's not your child's life, your child is owned by their husband at that point.

Hamsata Mazou 20:43
And honestly, people, like who are like the newer generation, or like our generation who have that mentality, and like, scares me, it brings a lot of concern. And I just feel like sad like it honestly, it doesn't make sense to me, honestly. Like, I'm often confused. It just, I don't get it.

Alexis Grant 21:05
I feel like some people, that's genuinely what they want. And that's cool. I feel like somebody doesn't genuinely, wholeheartedly, wholeheartedly. Whatever that word is want it, if they're pushing for other people to have that lifestyle, too, because I feel like if that's something you truly want, you see it as your personal dream. And that's not something you're gonna push on to other people. You know what I mean?

Hamsata Mazou 21:25
Yeah agreed. Like the fact that they truly and wholeheartedly like believe that and want that is what, like, scares me doesn't make sense to me. Like, I just don't get it. Like how somebody could be so like, okay with that,

Alexis Grant 21:39
that doesn't surprise me. It's like, yeah, like how Jeanine said, like, they could think the same way about me wanting to do X, Y, and Z. So I don't think of it that intensely, I feel, I feel like this goes back to how you were talking about tradition. I feel like tradition often takes a negative turn in the sense of that it makes something beautiful, ugly. And because because, like even the thought of like catering to men like to me, that always sounded horrific. Like, God awful nasty, I'll drop dead first. And now in my head, I'm like, it's really not that bad, like, in the sense of, not that I would want to do that the rest of my life. That's not something I personally, like would want for me. But I can understand somebody wanting to cater to somebody if they're showing them proper respect, and you know, everything like that, but I can understand it now better. And I think it's because I built up my own foundation of what catering to somebody is not that it's different than what maybe like the older generation is trying to push on. But just because it's being forced, and just because of the way they're presenting it, it's turning something that's actually not like it can be very beautiful. And it's supposed to be beautiful. They're making it into something ugly.

Hamsata Mazou 23:05
Oh, I agree. Wholeheartedly on that. Yeah, for sure. Like, I definitely feel like, it's like when somebody tells you to do something, it's just like, you don't want to do it. But then if you're putting the same situation, you'd probably do it. I feel like it's definitely like you were trying to say like, approach is definitely important on how that's viewed and taken upon. Like, yeah, I wouldn't mind doing those things in a marriage. But it's just like, the emphasis of it. And just like seeing it, like, I'm the one supposed to be doing it. And that can be done back to me and stuff like that, or like a mutuality in that in that sense. It's what's like, not fun to here so often growing up. Yeah But like when I was saying earlier what I was whatever your Yeah, okay. It was just more so when people don't want more for themselves. Oh, yeah. Not necessarily like the traditions and the relationship, but just people who just don't want more for themselves outside of like, being in the marriage, catering to their man. And that's it. Like, that's it, they're happy with just that, that to me, it's just kind of like, wow,

Jeanine Ikekhua 24:14
See I'm not gonna say wow, because like, like, I want to say get that. But I feel like I also have to, we also have to realize that we're operating the mindset that society conditions you regardless just how your condition this is true. We're operating in that mindset of like, what we know and like, how we've been conditioned and what we've seen and what we know. They're also operating in that mindset. Does that make it okay? No, but it is what it is. to them. They feel like that is what is right. I was gonna go back to a point. I was saying I feel like like, I don't, honestly, I'm the same way with Lexi like I didn't. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm not catering for you like that sexy stuff I'm not doing that. But I feel like now that I'm in a relationship, I kind of get it but not the catering. Like I feel like African culture Catering is intense like, I know women who literally what No, no women's I know nobody that's done that much older but I know of women who make their husbands breakfast, lunch and dinner, regardless of what they have going on. It doesn't matter if my man said he want that chocolate muffin, I'm gonna bake that chocolate muffin and ain't know if like they will drop everything to come and just cater to their man. And that's like their pride and joy like those. I know women who sit around bragging, like, I cater to my man so well, like he's getting fed. I'd be. And that's it. What's your aspirations? My man? What's your goal? My man, what's your joy? My man like, are you serious right now? That's all you got going on your man. crazy to me. Absolutely crazy. But I wanted to go back to the thing about like, you guys were talking about like, how you feel? Oh, y'all were talking about how it was when I brought up my friend. And I was talking about like what she said, the thing that shocked me was not like, Oh, it was not that her mindset specifically like you were talking about. And it's not like what you were talking about. Also, it's kind of in the middle. I'm not shocked by her mindset. I think I'm more shocked with the fact that like, she says she wants that for herself. And then she was what pissed me off was she was trying to advise my sister to do that. And that was one that was why I was ticked off. Like, I understand that you want to do that. But don't be advising people to live your life. But like I say that to say like, that's how, like, that's how mad I was. Because because she was really considering it because she has a boyfriend. And she was really considered like she was wholeheartedly considering of living that life of what that person is. And I'm just like, Absolutely not. If you want to do what you want to do with your life, Cool beans, but don't you dare advise my sister to go and live that life? Absolutely not. Because she like, she has good things going for herself. Like, she's gonna like if she keeps her going, how she is like, she's going to do so good. But if she gets a man that that might potentially derail things for her. And that's just so unnecessary. Like it could be a boyfriend for a couple years. You know, you don't need to be you don't need to be a husband right now. He could be he could be a boyfriend for a couple years. But yeah, it's just it's not the fact that she said it. It was just the fact that she was trying to advise other people and in her mind, it's like, that's the way of life and that's how everybody should be. And she was trying to tell me that I should do it. And I was just looking at her like not to be shady or anything just gonna sound shady. I'm not saying not to be shady. Why would I want to live your life when I know that you want more for yourself? That you're just not doing it because you've prioritized your man? Why would I want that?

Hamsata Mazou 27:38
Oh, word itchy itchy head?

Jeanine Ikekhua 27:43
Go different backgrounds, different life circumstances. Why would I want that? And you don't know me that well. So don't be don't be pushing Yeah, and that um, yeah, don't mean just advising people when you don't know stuff.

Alexis Grant 27:54
I want to come back to because I feel like I can because the thing is when we were talking with Okay, okay, everybody just hold on when I was talking about the tradition thing, and then you had said something back and I agreed with you, but I feel like it didn't get across what I was trying to get across with the tradition of turning things ugly. I feel like oh, older generations and parents and stuff like that will use tradition to not have to explain themselves all the time. And it'll end up being the end all be all like yes, it like I feel like if I'm not mistaken, I think it talks about it in the Quran, too. I know it talks about it in the Bible, because I feel like I've talked to Medina about this. But like, there's like verses in such things where it is talking about like you catering to a man. Oh, yeah.

Jeanine Ikekhua 28:50
Huh? Oh, yeah. Nevermind, I thought you said Bible She said Quran, and Bible. Yeah, nevermind.

Alexis Grant 28:57
Yeah I was just saying like, I feel like in a lot of different holy texts, like it talks about that, but it's two things is one it doesn't talk about. It's not spoken about, I should say, how men are supposed to be treating their wives. Yes. And that's where like that misogyny comes in because it's like okay, some of the points you're making sure they're valid but you're not treating me the way a holy man should be treating me you know what I mean? There's that and then also, instead of sharing the information that way I feel like it was just cut off at like, oh, you need to do this why tradition? Why cuz you're supposed to do and it's not it's not taught it's just told because there's like reasons for it behind it and there's like, it's gonna look different for everybody to and that's not talked about either. It's just like cater to you, man. Do everything you got to do cater --- but like if you're going based off a text like it's saying, like, yes, man's head of the household dad, but the man should be providing this the man should be providing that like the man should. Like I don't know if it's says this in the Quran? I know in the Bible, it literally basically says like a man should worship His wife. Oh, yeah. And where's that part talked about? Yeah

Hamsata Mazou 30:08
Not specifically. But yes, you should also cater to your wife you should always honor honor. Yes. And

Alexis Grant 30:13
like, no, there's like a part that's like borderline is like a mention like, Oh, I

Jeanine Ikekhua 30:17
know. But I'm saying like, honor, like in terms of,

Hamsata Mazou 30:19
I don't know, the terminology is exact or like tensity. But yeah, it's definitely along those lines for a writer.

Alexis Grant 30:24
Yeah. Like, you should just like, so I feel like in the sake of tradition, like, quote, unquote, a

Hamsata Mazou 30:32
lot of things it just makes. Yeah, that's what makes it legit. That's what makes it so ugly. So just different. That's a different conversation, to be honest. No, a culture and religion just

Jeanine Ikekhua 30:41
Oh, no, you know what we should talk about? Yeah, but I'm gonna say something real quick. Um, one of the things that I'm not doing with my kids now like I said, my mom has evolved as a parent. But when I was younger, she used to and my dad to do a lot of like, Oh, why do I need it? I was like, why do I need to do this and she be like, because I said, so. I'm not doing that with my kids. If it's like a minor thing, like okay, please put on your shoes. And we have by five we have like a couple seconds to go. Because I said so. Like, hurry up put on this shoe? But if it's something big, like, Oh, why do you need to get married or something? Because I said so. No, I'm going to break first of all, it will never be you need to get married. I'm going to tell you what marriage is what I think we can look at things online too. And then we can have a discussion we can pull up the Bible we could pull up whatever information source that you want to talk about. And then we can explain it's never going to be because your mommy said so that is what it is like that's not how it's gonna work with me and my kids.

Alexis Grant 31:42
This was a great conversation guys.

Hamsata Mazou 31:44
It was I enjoyed this

Alexis Grant 31:49
Yeah, y'all expect a culture and religion crossover little? Because I got a lot to say even about America. Anyway. Anyways

Hamsata Mazou 32:00
guys. Bye. We'll see you later. See you in the next episode we did nearly forgot to do this in the last one

Alexis Grant 32:07
Yeah, follow the Instagram follow the Tick Tock notification bell and YouTube. Follow the tik tok.

Hamsata Mazou 32:13
And if you ever want to DM us, let us know what you want to see from us. Feel free to do so. Oh, yeah. Give us topics. Yeah. I feel like we don't ever get interaction from you guys. Love to like hear. Even if it's just like a little reflection of an episode, you know, though, right all platforms is on black dot podcast. Yeah, yes. On black dot podcasts. Yeah, thank you for listening you

Alexis Grant 32:57
let's start let's start off y'all already. Everybody in their comfy spot?

Jeanine Ikekhua 33:02
My manipulative voice. Oh, wow manipulative voice I'm such a sweet angel. I promise y'all

Hamsata Mazou 33:16
you make me question it sometimes.

Alexis Grant 33:18
Anyways, Hi, I'm Lexi.

Hamsata Mazou 33:21
As in like you can be that you not are actually like that.

Jeanine Ikekhua 33:25
Just syay just at home so I don't know.

Hamsata Mazou 33:28
I feel like I broke your happiness.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai